You may have read Part One, which was clearly geared to my readers of the male persuasion...but listen up ladies you have a part to play in this as well...
Being a lady has been quite a learning process for me...still learning...trust me...
I was a Tom Boy...seriously...hated skirts...hated them...played sports...the second my Catholic School let me wear khaki pants instead of a skirt I was like SIGN ME UP! ...I held my own, and I didn't need boys to do anything for me...and I carried that attitude with me for a while...
High school was fun and games...but then in college I took a job as a grounds keeper...tough stuff...well if I can pick up the trash around campus and shovel mulch for hours why do you think I can't open that door by myself???
No really I can carry it, it isn't that heavy...seriously
I'm not some weak little girl who can't do anything...
Ok ok....slowly but surely I began to realize that the gentlemen doing these things didn't think I was weak and pathetic...they were just trying to be nice...nice....what why would people want to be nice to me?
ummmm self because they are gentlemen and they care about you...ohhhhhh right
So wait how do you go from defensive to accepting...and even liking guys being gentlemen?
First step....notice it....I mean really....Do you think he actually prefers to be the last one to get food? NO...do you think he really really really just loves walking on the outside of the sidewalk that much? ...I mean maybe...
In your day to day life there may be guys around you who do little things...some very little, some a bit larger...notice those things...say thanks if the situation warrants it...smile...something
ACKNOWLEDGE THE GUY
Give him some credit. He is going out of his way to do something for you...notice it and appreciate it
Do something back...what? I'm a lady I don't have to do anything...WRONG...very wrong...and rude
You noticed he did something...for you....so maybe you should do something for him....ya ya ya saying thanks is a great start...but really? Do something back...something small...it doesn't have to be some grand gesture...compliment him, offer to help him with something...even if you know he is just going to say...no no no I got this...sometimes the offer is enough...
People keep debating whether or not chivalry is dead...what about being a lady? I mean really? We've forgotten...straight up forgotten how to be ladies...it is more than just sitting properly and remembering not to swear in public...its about how we, as women, respond to the people around us. Its about respect, and acknowledgement. its about being grateful and kind. Think about it ladies, give it a try :)
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Gentlemen Part One - To Be...But How to Be?
Ok so I've come to notice some things about gentlemen and I'd like to share them... I'm no expert, just a girl sharing her thoughts.
Now it is one thing to hold a door open for a girl and another thing to actually be a gentleman. There is one key element that can make the difference...sincerity
Sincerity is key guys.
You can hold open as many doors as you want for me, but if you don't actually want to it means nothing. It shouldn't feel like I'm some helpless female who can't open a door by herself...it should be a gesture of kindness.
And it is more than just opening doors. I went to a college FULL of door openers...but it was rare for a guy to do more than that... Ok maybe not rare but there was a significant amount of men who were under the impression that holding doors open suddenly made them gentlemen.
Being a gentleman is more about caring...and showing that you care. It takes on different forms for different guys and there are plenty of ways to show you care... About women in general.
Do something nice for a woman...is she struggling to carry something? Offer to help. Is she walking with you on the sidewalk? Walk on the outside...protect her from cars, and mud. Go ahead and open that door...compliment her...not in a creepy way...but if you like the sweater, go ahead and say it
Don't be selective about who you treat like a lady...show a general respect for all women and my goodness it will be noticed...
Don't make it a big deal...it IS a big deal but if you make a kind gesture into a big deal...it becomes more about you and less about the lady...to be a gentlemen, your actions should not, in that moment, be focused on yourself. When you start doing nice things for people, without expecting recognition, it is so much easier to appreciate it...it means so much more.
Wanting to be a gentleman is a good thing...seriously it is...but you have to remember that it is more than one action. As you get to know the women around you, it will be easier to realize what you can do to make them feel important in some small way...and that...well that is everything right there.
Now it is one thing to hold a door open for a girl and another thing to actually be a gentleman. There is one key element that can make the difference...sincerity
Sincerity is key guys.
You can hold open as many doors as you want for me, but if you don't actually want to it means nothing. It shouldn't feel like I'm some helpless female who can't open a door by herself...it should be a gesture of kindness.
And it is more than just opening doors. I went to a college FULL of door openers...but it was rare for a guy to do more than that... Ok maybe not rare but there was a significant amount of men who were under the impression that holding doors open suddenly made them gentlemen.
Being a gentleman is more about caring...and showing that you care. It takes on different forms for different guys and there are plenty of ways to show you care... About women in general.
Do something nice for a woman...is she struggling to carry something? Offer to help. Is she walking with you on the sidewalk? Walk on the outside...protect her from cars, and mud. Go ahead and open that door...compliment her...not in a creepy way...but if you like the sweater, go ahead and say it
Don't be selective about who you treat like a lady...show a general respect for all women and my goodness it will be noticed...
Don't make it a big deal...it IS a big deal but if you make a kind gesture into a big deal...it becomes more about you and less about the lady...to be a gentlemen, your actions should not, in that moment, be focused on yourself. When you start doing nice things for people, without expecting recognition, it is so much easier to appreciate it...it means so much more.
Wanting to be a gentleman is a good thing...seriously it is...but you have to remember that it is more than one action. As you get to know the women around you, it will be easier to realize what you can do to make them feel important in some small way...and that...well that is everything right there.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Being single on Valentine's Day
So here it is again....Valentine's Day...it comes every year without fail...love it or hate it, it is here...
and here I find myself single for Valentine's Day...the holiday that is named after a saint...which most benefits the greeting card industry...and is celebrated by those who are in relationships
It dominates my newsfeed, and my pinterest page, the grocery stores, and even the junk mail...its all up in my face...so doesn't it make me feel terrible to be single? Should I call it single's awareness day?
No, and here's why...
I don't find my self-worth in a relationship with a man...I don't feel like less of a person simply because I am not in a relationship.
I am not upset that I didn't come out of college with a fiance...because it would have been the wrong person. If you find your future spouse in college, that's great...but I don't feel like something is wrong with me because I didn't...
Not being in a relationship does not make a single person less of a person...your relationship status is not who you are...I am not less of a woman because I don't have a boyfriend...I'm still Brittany, I still want to be a teacher, and some day I would like to be a mom...being single today does not mean that I won't accomplish these things.
I really am tired of hearing single people feel sorry for themselves...I get it Valentines Day stinks when you're single...My name is Brittany and I've been single for more than 20 Valentine's Days...I'd rather not be in a relationship for Valentine's Day than be in a meaningless relationship that is simply to fulfill my wish to have a rose...
I'm not upset about Valentine's Day, I'll cherish the relationships that I do have, my friends and my family, and I won't settle for the wrong relationship to get flowers, change my relationship status on my profile, and feel somehow better about myself...that's not what relationships should be about...
related posts:
Christian Single
What is beauty?
His intentions should be...
and here I find myself single for Valentine's Day...the holiday that is named after a saint...which most benefits the greeting card industry...and is celebrated by those who are in relationships
It dominates my newsfeed, and my pinterest page, the grocery stores, and even the junk mail...its all up in my face...so doesn't it make me feel terrible to be single? Should I call it single's awareness day?
No, and here's why...
I don't find my self-worth in a relationship with a man...I don't feel like less of a person simply because I am not in a relationship.
I am not upset that I didn't come out of college with a fiance...because it would have been the wrong person. If you find your future spouse in college, that's great...but I don't feel like something is wrong with me because I didn't...
Not being in a relationship does not make a single person less of a person...your relationship status is not who you are...I am not less of a woman because I don't have a boyfriend...I'm still Brittany, I still want to be a teacher, and some day I would like to be a mom...being single today does not mean that I won't accomplish these things.
I really am tired of hearing single people feel sorry for themselves...I get it Valentines Day stinks when you're single...My name is Brittany and I've been single for more than 20 Valentine's Days...I'd rather not be in a relationship for Valentine's Day than be in a meaningless relationship that is simply to fulfill my wish to have a rose...
I'm not upset about Valentine's Day, I'll cherish the relationships that I do have, my friends and my family, and I won't settle for the wrong relationship to get flowers, change my relationship status on my profile, and feel somehow better about myself...that's not what relationships should be about...
related posts:
Christian Single
What is beauty?
His intentions should be...
Monday, February 10, 2014
Just being "you"
I've gone through my fair share of figure out who I am moments...and I've learned lots of things...I've learned lots of things about who I am, how to be ok in my own skin, and that I'm constantly changing...
It is important to be ok with who you are...and to be who you are...it is important to just be you
So many phases....so many that there isn't really anywhere to begin...I've been the nerdy girl, I've been the athlete, I've been the make-up on, I've been never wear make-up, I've been one knee-high, one ankle sock, I've been the get the whole team to wear face paint girl, I've been wear a tie, I've been celebrate every Friday with something crazy on my head (let's not forget I went to an art school), I've been skirts are ONLY for special occasions, I've been twirly skirts are my favorite, the list goes on and on...
There was a time when I worried too much about what other people think....sometimes is it important to consider what other people think? Sure...are you trying to get a job? Are you representing someone or something? Are you attending a special event? ...there are times when what you portray are important...but the majority of the time it is important to simply be you...
For example, high school was not the first time I ever wore a skirt over my pants...I thought it looked cool...the first time I tried it...well I worried too much about what other people thought and it took me years to try it again...I liked it...is it weird? ya of course but it was part of my quirky/creative side...
Hiding yourself is hard, it takes a lot of energy, and generally makes you sad....stop doing it!
Get out of the hole you've dug yourself into, take off all of the fake stuff...show us the real you
Who do you really wear make up for? Is it for you ...because that's fine...but is it for the world...maybe you actually hate it and you wear it because you think it makes people like you...
You'll find that you actually really like the real you...and so do other people...and funny thing...once you are ok with the real you...you tend to find others like you....like-minded people...its a wonderful thing
It is important to be ok with who you are...and to be who you are...it is important to just be you
So many phases....so many that there isn't really anywhere to begin...I've been the nerdy girl, I've been the athlete, I've been the make-up on, I've been never wear make-up, I've been one knee-high, one ankle sock, I've been the get the whole team to wear face paint girl, I've been wear a tie, I've been celebrate every Friday with something crazy on my head (let's not forget I went to an art school), I've been skirts are ONLY for special occasions, I've been twirly skirts are my favorite, the list goes on and on...
There was a time when I worried too much about what other people think....sometimes is it important to consider what other people think? Sure...are you trying to get a job? Are you representing someone or something? Are you attending a special event? ...there are times when what you portray are important...but the majority of the time it is important to simply be you...
For example, high school was not the first time I ever wore a skirt over my pants...I thought it looked cool...the first time I tried it...well I worried too much about what other people thought and it took me years to try it again...I liked it...is it weird? ya of course but it was part of my quirky/creative side...
Hiding yourself is hard, it takes a lot of energy, and generally makes you sad....stop doing it!
Get out of the hole you've dug yourself into, take off all of the fake stuff...show us the real you
Who do you really wear make up for? Is it for you ...because that's fine...but is it for the world...maybe you actually hate it and you wear it because you think it makes people like you...
You'll find that you actually really like the real you...and so do other people...and funny thing...once you are ok with the real you...you tend to find others like you....like-minded people...its a wonderful thing
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