Running: It's where I Feel Strength and Weakness at the Same Time

I am an Asthmatic Runner...I am a runner and I have asthma...terrible right? Nah, not really.

I've been a runner for 11 years now...dang I didn't realize I've been running for that long. I suppose the story of my running starts with playing t-ball but let's be honest I joined a cross country team in junior high and that's where it really started...

I loved running. I loved the thrill of the crowd cheering you on as you came out of the woods, I loved sprinting to cross the finish line, pumping my arms through the air, kicking my legs and racing against the girl closest to me. I loved it! I ran well, by the end of my first season I was part of the varsity seven and remained there for my second season. It was thrilling stuff.

I joined the high school team for cross country and continued with indoor and outdoor track...yes when you live somewhere where it gets super dang cold in the winter...you have indoor track...Freshman and Sophomore year I was doing great! I was running alongside the upperclassmen and getting great times!...

but towards the end of sophomore year I had started to notice a change in my breathing...it didn't really phase me until...Captain's practice (aka unofficial summer practice) right before junior year...we were running...and

I
couldn't
breathe

I wasn't choking or anything, I just couldn't catch my breath. I stopped running and began walking...something I NEVER did...(I was one of those high and mighty runners who refused to ever walk)...it was scary, really scary, and people I didn't know were concerned for my well being...well shortly after that I was diagnosed with asthma...big surprise there

My times that season were terrible, and my times for the rest of my high school career were terrible. That spring I missed almost the entire outdoor track season due to a bad cold and...wait for it...BREAKING A RIB FROM COUGHING SO MUCH...dang asthma...you broke my rib...

In college I did not join a team...I didn't have the time or the motivation...running became a chore and for a little while I stopped doing it...then I went crazy due to the lack of exercise and started again...but I set new goals for myself...I slowed down and started to focus on distance...Sophomore spring I ran 10 miles WITHOUT TAKING MY INHALER (woot woot goal accomplished)

I continue to run-not so regularly- and now I am back to liking it....I feel weak because my lungs don't always function and cooperate the way I want them to, sometimes it hurts to run, sometimes I have to walk, I always take my inhaler before I run, and bring it with me just in case. I feel weak because I cannot push as hard as I used to. I cannot run as fast as I used to...when I track my pace I am almost always disappointed with my times. I'm an asthmatic...yup I am running with asthma...and sometimes it stinks...especially when it is hot, or there is a lot of pollen...and really people do you all have to cut your grass on the same day I'm dying here...don't get me started on when I try and run and it is too cold out (oh it burns)...it is difficult to run with asthma...and it stinks...sometimes I have to consciously decide to breathe out...like I would forget to otherwise? I'm not sure it is a strange sensation...

But I find strength in my running...because I have asthma...pushing through the pain, working on breathing, focusing on making sure I am doing it right...and running anyway makes me feel strong. There are few things more satisfying for me than when I take a little time off of my personal best...just a little bit...there is just something about finishing a run without stopping or having to slow down that just gets me feeling like I am on top of the world...I feel strong because I push through the pain. I know it is going to be difficult to run every time I do it...sure as I run more and more it gets a little easier because my body is strengthening the muscles required to run...and to breathe every time I use them...but it will never be easy...The difficulty, though does not stop me I welcome the challenge, and I feel stronger and stronger every time I take a step toward improvement.

I am an asthmatic runner...While running, I feel weak, but in that weakness I find my strength.