Running: It's where I Feel Strength and Weakness at the Same Time

I am an Asthmatic Runner...I am a runner and I have asthma...terrible right? Nah, not really.

I've been a runner for 11 years now...dang I didn't realize I've been running for that long. I suppose the story of my running starts with playing t-ball but let's be honest I joined a cross country team in junior high and that's where it really started...

I loved running. I loved the thrill of the crowd cheering you on as you came out of the woods, I loved sprinting to cross the finish line, pumping my arms through the air, kicking my legs and racing against the girl closest to me. I loved it! I ran well, by the end of my first season I was part of the varsity seven and remained there for my second season. It was thrilling stuff.

I joined the high school team for cross country and continued with indoor and outdoor track...yes when you live somewhere where it gets super dang cold in the winter...you have indoor track...Freshman and Sophomore year I was doing great! I was running alongside the upperclassmen and getting great times!...

but towards the end of sophomore year I had started to notice a change in my breathing...it didn't really phase me until...Captain's practice (aka unofficial summer practice) right before junior year...we were running...and

I
couldn't
breathe

I wasn't choking or anything, I just couldn't catch my breath. I stopped running and began walking...something I NEVER did...(I was one of those high and mighty runners who refused to ever walk)...it was scary, really scary, and people I didn't know were concerned for my well being...well shortly after that I was diagnosed with asthma...big surprise there

My times that season were terrible, and my times for the rest of my high school career were terrible. That spring I missed almost the entire outdoor track season due to a bad cold and...wait for it...BREAKING A RIB FROM COUGHING SO MUCH...dang asthma...you broke my rib...

In college I did not join a team...I didn't have the time or the motivation...running became a chore and for a little while I stopped doing it...then I went crazy due to the lack of exercise and started again...but I set new goals for myself...I slowed down and started to focus on distance...Sophomore spring I ran 10 miles WITHOUT TAKING MY INHALER (woot woot goal accomplished)

I continue to run-not so regularly- and now I am back to liking it....I feel weak because my lungs don't always function and cooperate the way I want them to, sometimes it hurts to run, sometimes I have to walk, I always take my inhaler before I run, and bring it with me just in case. I feel weak because I cannot push as hard as I used to. I cannot run as fast as I used to...when I track my pace I am almost always disappointed with my times. I'm an asthmatic...yup I am running with asthma...and sometimes it stinks...especially when it is hot, or there is a lot of pollen...and really people do you all have to cut your grass on the same day I'm dying here...don't get me started on when I try and run and it is too cold out (oh it burns)...it is difficult to run with asthma...and it stinks...sometimes I have to consciously decide to breathe out...like I would forget to otherwise? I'm not sure it is a strange sensation...

But I find strength in my running...because I have asthma...pushing through the pain, working on breathing, focusing on making sure I am doing it right...and running anyway makes me feel strong. There are few things more satisfying for me than when I take a little time off of my personal best...just a little bit...there is just something about finishing a run without stopping or having to slow down that just gets me feeling like I am on top of the world...I feel strong because I push through the pain. I know it is going to be difficult to run every time I do it...sure as I run more and more it gets a little easier because my body is strengthening the muscles required to run...and to breathe every time I use them...but it will never be easy...The difficulty, though does not stop me I welcome the challenge, and I feel stronger and stronger every time I take a step toward improvement.

I am an asthmatic runner...While running, I feel weak, but in that weakness I find my strength.

Leaving Lucy

So I was originally going to write a post with the same title about one of the children I've worked with...however I decided that was probably not a good idea due to confidentiality and such...by the way I've never had a student named Lucy so good luck figuring it out...

I decided to turn it into an OH MY GOSH I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF LEAVING LATELY post.

like is this normal? I suppose it is...I am at that point in my life where everything...seriously everything is a whirlwind...

I graduated college in December...and I left a lot of friends behind, I left a comfortable little community behind, I left the place where I did a lot of growing up behind...that was hard and rewarding at the same time....

Then I went home to live with my mom and family and look for work...I found a job...and then I was given a much better opportunity for the following school year...

So when the time came, I quit my job at home...it wasn't the best job, but I liked working with kids, and as it turns out some of the people I worked with actually enjoyed my company, and I theirs. Some of these people may have become my friends if I stayed there longer. But I left them...it is weird I expected to be all excited to leave a part time job...and don't get me wrong I was very excited...I MEAN I HAVE A DEGREE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD I should be making more than minimum wage...what I didn't expect to feel was that I was going to miss the people. I didn't work there for very long, and I feel bad leaving the kids just as they were getting used to me, but I didn't expect my co-workers to miss me. I didn't really even expect to get good-bye's from any of them...and I was touched when I did.

I went back to campus for graduation commencement...I paid...er well lots of generous people paid for me to go to that school for four and a half years...you better believe I walked across that stage to shake the president's hand and to look pretty dang smart doing so! I went back for almost all of grad week...I only missed one event...I spent a lot of time with my friends and went on a few adventures...and then I once again had to leave them all...Some of them I may never see again, some I'll see at weddings or other big events, but who knows which friends I will or wont see? I don't...good-byes are hard...they stink...I wish you the best in life and all the happiness in the world and I hope we are still friends in the future? I just don't think there is a good way to say goodbye.

And now, I am following that great opportunity...which requires that I move from the Northity North to the Southity South of this country...it is scary...unbelievably scary...will my body be able to handle the climate change? will I be able to afford a bed? will I find an apartment? friends? a church community?

I am leaving once again, people that I love. I am leaving my family, and those friends that I've worked hard to maintain friendships with up here throughout my college years...I am leaving my youth group, I am leaving the churches that I've been involved with. The place where I was baptized, the place where I made my other sacraments, the place where I was a member of the youth group...and the place where I found the first regular confessor I've ever had...I am leaving the house I grew up in, I am leaving the bubble area that my dad's side of the family lives within...I will be one of THOSE relatives who doesn't live within driving distance...

So here I go, on to adulthood...This is real life, it is happening soon. I am leaving...again...this time for good...It is a strange feeling...excitement, mixed with fear, mixed with nostalgia, mixed with so many other emotions...life is forever moving, and I am learning to move with it...so here's to arriving, for starting new, and growing up, and here's to all those who have been a part of my journey!

Why I Purchased my First One-Piece Since Childhood

I recently purchased this bathing suit for a few reasons.

A. It is really dang cute.

B. Who wouldn't want to dress up every time they went to the beach?

C. I haven't had a cute bathing suit since probably the very beginning of high school.

D. It is super cheap

and finally

E. It is modest...

Now don't get me wrong, I am all about letting my belly get some sun, it feels great. It is also next to impossible to find a bathing suit that is modest and allows you to do that at the same time, never mind a cute one.

I am not typically too fond of one piece bathing suits...they don't tend to be very attractive, and let's be honest it is inconvenient to have to go to the bathroom in one of those things.

I like a good two piece...for a while I was wearing board shorts and a tankini...however you spell that...
It was convenient, allowed me to mix and match, and modest....but it wasn't cute...
I went through the bathing suit shorts and a sports bra phase...ok doesn't show as much as a bikini and allowed for some tummy sun...

...but but but...then I saw something...no it wasn't a post about immodesty being immoral, it wasn't a meme about how being modest is hottest, it wasn't the very cute bathing suit I bought and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of in the mail...

It was a photo...of some rich playboy with all of his women surrounding him...

Ok Britt this isn't too unusual on the internet these days...and ya that's right...but here was this man surrounded by beautiful women...with hardly any clothes on

ladies...STICKERS DO NOT COUNT AS CLOTHING...they just don't...but here is what surprised me...

I wasn't shocked by any of it...

Ok, I could see the naked bodies of these women minus a few stickers, and it wasn't something that shocked me...like not at all...I really thought "hmmmm well that actually doesn't look much different than a bikini..."

Well shoot, I don't want people seeing so much of me that they can already tell what I look like naked....my nakedness is something private...not something for everyone on the whole beach.

And come on ladies...don't you want to save a little bit of something special for your wedding night...I would hate to be on my honey moon and not have anything new to give to my husband...I want to keep it a mystery, something special for him and only him.

I saw this photo and it scared me. It scared me that we are so used to seeing, and showing so much of our bodies that there isn't any mystery left; isn't any privacy left; isn't anything but a few inches left unseen.

So I bought this one piece, not to hide my body, but to protect it; to keep it special....and to look pretty cute doing so :)

I bought it for myself and for my future husband, to keep our relationship intimate and between us rather than open to the whole world. I bought it because my body is beautiful and should be seen in a respectful manner.

I'm not telling you to do the same, I'm not saying to never wear a 2-piece bathing suit...I'm just saying think about it...how much of yourself are you giving to the world free of charge...without demanding respect and without love? Are you going to wish one day that you had kept it private?