To set the scene: I've probably got a dress on, and my hair is down. I have natural ringlet curls.
I'm talking with a small group of people...we are talking and this middle-aged man walks by. As he is walking by he pulls on an entire strand of ringlet curls.
The whole thing he just up and pulls on it.
I don't think too too much about it, that is until it happens again....and again....it happens several times on different occasions (see, this is happening in a place I frequent on a weekly basis).
I say to a friend: I don't like it when he does that. I don't know why he thinks he can just pull on my hair. She replies....yeah, but that's just him, he's like that.
As if it is ok. Just brushes it off.
Now, I don't know how well all of my readers know me, but I have a pretty decent personal bubble and it takes some serious trust for me to willingly let you into my personal space.
So there we are, talking....and it happens again
I see him walking towards us. I think...maybe he'll walk past and nothing will happen, maybe he is on his way somewhere. I feel my back and shoulders tense up as I figure that is wishful thinking and he is probably going to walk past me and pull my hair.
Ah, no such luck here he is, hand comes up and...
"I just love your curly hair" *yank*
(feel uncomfortable yet?)
So this time I decide....I'm going to stand up for myself and be upfront and not let this build up any further......ok here it goes.....oh gosh I hate confrontation....but it needs to be said....its just not ok to go around yanking on people's curls....
"Actually, I don't like it when you do that."
phew I said it
"Well," he says, looking shocked as he continues on his journey past me, not even stopping to address the issue rather acknowledging I've spoken without giving the respect of any semblance of a conversation "I have sisters and I did it to all of them"
As if that makes it ok? Do you feel uncomfortable for me yet? He invaded my personal space...without permission...and just brushed it off as ok because he also does it to his sisters? Does that feel uncomfortable to you? It feels very uncomfortable to me I do not like it and I am glad that I voiced that I do not like it ....but here is the thing...
I am a white woman.
I am a white woman, and though it has happened to me on occasion that someone I have not given permission has just up and touched or pulled on my curls because they think that they look cool, it happens at an alarming rate to black people.
I was uncomfortable, and you may have been uncomfortable for me, but have you ever sat and watched a white person walk up to a black person and just start touching their hair? White people, we tend to be fascinated by the many styles and textures that black people wear atop their heads. This does not give us a right to touch their hair. This does not make it ok to touch their hair.
And in case you were wondering...
It is not ok to touch their hair just because you are asking them to touch it as you are already doing so.
Touching someone's hair is an intimate thing. You have to be close to a person to touch their hair. You have to be close, after all it is attached directly to their head.
No, it is not ok to touch the hair if they are wearing extensions.
It is never ok to touch someone's hair without permission
No, it is not socially acceptable to ask a complete stranger if it is ok to touch their hair.
Now if your friend runs up to you super excited like "I used a new hair product and my hair is super soft you've got to feel it!" Well, that is a different story, in this case, yes you can touch their hair because they asked you to.
In any other situation do not touch their hair. No, not braids, not when they wear their hair in a puff, or in cornrows or twists. Basically just don't do it. It is uncomfortable and not ok.
Instead, maybe take some time to reflect on why you thought this was ok, or how you would feel if it happened to you repeatedly. Maybe instead try to develop a relationship with the person. Ask them about themselves! Maybe treat them like a human being instead of an object.
Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer.
