Louisiana Taught Me

Louisiana Taught Me
-Brittany Hennigan

Louisiana taught me about a culture that's vibrant and bright;

where there's music day and night,

and a little jazz makes everything alright

Louisiana taught me that actually, I like spicy food.

Louisiana taught me how to conversate

without adding concern, igniting hate, 

or trying to appropriate.

Louisiana taught me how to accept feedback.

Lousiana taught me how to learn and grow

with cultures different than my own;

how to call this place home.

Louisiana taught me that black is beauty,

black is strength,

and that representation matters.

Louisiana taught me it's ok to need help.

Louisiana taught me what to do

when your friend is feeling more than just blue

and he brings a gun to your house 

that he tried to use on himself

Louisiana taught me how to use a calm tone,
get him ready to go home,
and then get the police on the phone.

Louisiana taught me about friendship

Louisiana taught me that good friends stay by your side

when you drop to the floor and you cry

because a loved one just died,

and you've only experienced that pain once before.

Louisiana taught me that good friends talk it through

and the great ones stay true

and become more like family soon

Louisiana taught me how to teach

Louisiana taught me that teaching is more than technique
that each child is unique
and as an advocate they need me

Louisiana taught me how to survive in the heat

Louisiana taught me how to say hi
To that random girl or guy
as they pass by
because they made contact of the eyes

Louisiana taught me
Louisiana taught me

Fun disclaimer!

This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

That One Car Commercial

There's this car commercial going around right now...

We don't know much about the woman in the ad. All we know is the type of car she drives, that she has a long commute through obscenely scenic places and teaches P.E.

We don't know her relationship status if she has a family or the type of neighborhood she lives in...and for that I am glad.

Because for once I can see myself in an advertisement.

I'm not being told that if I buy this car I will magically find a husband, 2-3 kids and live in an upper-middle-class home with large windows, an absurdly well-lit dining room and an overabundance of food on the table for my happy laughing family to feast on.

As a single woman, who grew up poor I don't see myself in those ads. Buying a car will not magically make my life fall into the place that society says it should be in. Buying a car will, in fact, put me in debt rather than making a middle-class family appear out of thin air.

Buying a car won't suddenly allow me to pull up into the driveway of my gigantic home. Nope, I will still be pulling into my "suitable for now" apartment. That's ok. I'm in a good place for me right now, especially considering all of the factors that were stacked up against me. I'm doing very well considering my background, that's not the problem.

The problem is that advertisements are clearly set towards nuclear families in the middle class. Those of us who were not, and/or are not middle class cannot see ourselves in those advertisements. Nevermind living a non-nuclear lifestyle. Single adult? nope, not in advertising. Child of divorce? nope, not in advertising.

The best part about this car commercial is that I don't know who this woman is. She could be anyone. Now, her absurdly scenic drive and the fact that she is buying a brand new car rather than a used one would suggest that she is, indeed, middle class. But I don't know for sure. And I don't get the idea that buying the car will magically make me middle class. Let's be honest, in the commercial she is a teacher....and the general consensus throughout the country is that teachers aren't being paid well so maybe the car is affordable? Maybe that's what they're going for? Whatever it is that they're going for I'm grateful for the ad.

Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

It is not ok to touch the hair!

To set the scene: I've probably got a dress on, and my hair is down. I have natural ringlet curls.

I'm talking with a small group of people...we are talking and this middle-aged man walks by. As he is walking by he pulls on an entire strand of ringlet curls.

The whole thing he just up and pulls on it.

I don't think too too much about it, that is until it happens again....and again....it happens several times on different occasions (see, this is happening in a place I frequent on a weekly basis).

I say to a friend: I don't like it when he does that. I don't know why he thinks he can just pull on my hair. She replies....yeah, but that's just him, he's like that.

As if it is ok. Just brushes it off.

Now, I don't know how well all of my readers know me, but I have a pretty decent personal bubble and it takes some serious trust for me to willingly let you into my personal space.

So there we are, talking....and it happens again

I see him walking towards us. I think...maybe he'll walk past and nothing will happen, maybe he is on his way somewhere. I feel my back and shoulders tense up as I figure that is wishful thinking and he is probably going to walk past me and pull my hair.

Ah, no such luck here he is, hand comes up and...

"I just love your curly hair" *yank*


(feel uncomfortable yet?)

So this time I decide....I'm going to stand up for myself and be upfront and not let this build up any further......ok here it goes.....oh gosh I hate confrontation....but it needs to be said....its just not ok to go around yanking on people's curls....

"Actually, I don't like it when you do that."

phew I said it

"Well," he says, looking shocked as he continues on his journey past me, not even stopping to address the issue rather acknowledging I've spoken without giving the respect of any semblance of a conversation "I have sisters and I did it to all of them"

As if that makes it ok? Do you feel uncomfortable for me yet? He invaded my personal space...without permission...and just brushed it off as ok because he also does it to his sisters? Does that feel uncomfortable to you? It feels very uncomfortable to me I do not like it and I am glad that I voiced that I do not like it ....but here is the thing...

I am a white woman.

I am a white woman, and though it has happened to me on occasion that someone I have not given permission has just up and touched or pulled on my curls because they think that they look cool, it happens at an alarming rate to black people.

I was uncomfortable, and you may have been uncomfortable for me, but have you ever sat and watched a white person walk up to a black person and just start touching their hair? White people, we tend to be fascinated by the many styles and textures that black people wear atop their heads. This does not give us a right to touch their hair. This does not make it ok to touch their hair.

And in case you were wondering...

It is not ok to touch their hair just because you are asking them to touch it as you are already doing so.


Touching someone's hair is an intimate thing. You have to be close to a person to touch their hair. You have to be close, after all it is attached directly to their head.

No, it is not ok to touch the hair if they are wearing extensions.

It is never ok to touch someone's hair without permission

No, it is not socially acceptable to ask a complete stranger if it is ok to touch their hair.

Now if your friend runs up to you super excited like "I used a new hair product and my hair is super soft you've got to feel it!"  Well, that is a different story, in this case, yes you can touch their hair because they asked you to.

In any other situation do not touch their hair. No, not braids, not when they wear their hair in a puff, or in cornrows or twists. Basically just don't do it. It is uncomfortable and not ok.

Instead, maybe take some time to reflect on why you thought this was ok, or how you would feel if it happened to you repeatedly. Maybe instead try to develop a relationship with the person. Ask them about themselves! Maybe treat them like a human being instead of an object.


Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

The "Park Guy"

The "Park Guy:" the brain ramblings of a single woman out for a run.

Ok self, first day back at the park in a little while let's take it easy; simple 5k, yeah I can do that.

Ok, first lap, not bad, it's kinda hot though....oh hey he looks like he might be around my age.
Alright steady breathing. This playlist is good. begin lap 2...

ok green t-shirt man this is it...today is the day I meet a "park guy" how does this work? should I talk to him....no I have asthma that's silly I can't talk and run at the same time....ok well how does this work I guess we just have to end our workout at the same time...

AHHHHH OH MY GOSH IS THAT A SNAKE....AH IT IS A SNAKE...I'M GOING TO DIE....what is the saying "red touches black you're ok Jack?" yeah that's it. Well what color is that...I don't have my glasses on and I'm not getting close enough to look at the snake

step around the snake...don't provoke it...wayyyyyyyy around the snake....BUT DON'T FREAK OUT green t-shirt guy is behind you...don't freak out....

Ok, good job you got around the snake and you didn't die...awesome just keep running.

Lap 3. Green shirt man ...what does his shirt say? I don't know, I wish I decided to run with my glasses. Oh well.

WAIT WHAT ABOUT THE SNAKE? WHY ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE STANDING AROUND THE SNAKE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Oh ok, ok, ok, they killed it. The snake is dead and I just ran wayyyy off the sidewalk for no reason. Oh well.

Alright lap 4, how many laps around this thing is a 5k? this is getting kinda boring I'm not going to lie. Oh look green shirt man is further ahead. Am I running slower or is he walking faster? No telling.

At least I'm almost done it is dang hot out here. Ok, play it cool green shirt man is up ahead don't run too fast you don't want to be intimidating...cool cool a nice smooth run.

JUST KIDDING A BUG FLEW AT MY NOSE where did that thing come from...must get rid of it...great now green shirt man thinks your blowing a snot rocket or something weird like that...that's it you just blew your chance at meeting a "park guy" because of a gnat...you handled the snake just fine but a bug....nooooooooo.

lap 5 this should be my last full lap...wait where's green shirt man? Oh man he's gone that's it I really did lose him. Was it the bug? must've been the bug.

And so I'll wait to see if one day I will meet a "park guy," but today will not be that day.

"Movement" Artist's Statement

"Movement." Brittany Hennigan. February 3, 2018. Acrylic on White Canvas. Inspired by Photo. 15.5 hours. 

So I've never written one of these before and when I had a teacher willing to teach me how I chose not to because I was only painting specific types of paintings because he assigned them; there was no deeper meaning.

So here goes...

I paint as a form of stress management. I did not realize this until I was an adult, but that is a huge part of why I do art. (If we're being entirely honest it started as anger management as a child and then transitioned well to stress management as an adult). 

I started this painting because I was injured. I fell off a long-board over the summer and gave myself a good ankle sprain complete with nerve damage and also somehow tennis elbow. I was down for the count and unable to exercise (my other main form of stress management) I was going nuts and was getting pretty angry at the injury and my inability to manage my stress. 

I bought the biggest canvas I could find at Walmart and started painting. I was feeling more of a color than a particular object, so I looked up pictures of purple things until I came upon this great butterfly picture. 

I chose the name for the painting while working on the background. I've been told I make things "too busy" and I began to worry that there was too much going on in the background. Using my reference picture I decided to continue despite the large amount of movement in the background: I liked it. 

I left the top left of the background rather plain because I enjoy the purple/green contrast. It is also symbolic of the movement yet to come in my life. 

Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

Thy Will be Done

A long time ago I wrote a blog post called Pray the hardest... about the phrase "pray hardest when it's hardest to pray." I didn't find it hard to pray in difficult circumstances at the time but I think I have a new understanding.

It is TERRIFYING to pray for a miracle, to need a miracle, knowing that you might not get one.

Let's back up for a second. Yes, God has the power to do anything, and I firmly believe that he can perform the miracle that you or I pray for. I have no doubt in that!

Where the fear, worry, and anxiety set in is where I know God has the power to do what I so desperately want Him to do for me, but it might not be His will.

Knowing, believing and trusting in God can be a roller coaster ride. For me, trusting can be like the first big drop on a roller coaster. You know, the one that looks like its practically a 90 degree angle? The one where you're really hoping the people who welded the coaster together, and fit the seats and the buckles and everything together actually knew what they were doing? Where you go, oh shoot! was there an inspection sticker? How long has it been since this has been inspected? Will I survive? 

Yeah, trusting God can be like that for me sometimes. Like I know He has a plan and I know it is better than mine but sometimes I really just want His will to be exactly what my will is. I want a miracle.

Yet, in the same breath, every Sunday as I say the Lord's Prayer in church I pray these three words
Thy will be done...

God's will may not be the same as mine.

He might not will for me to get a promotion, to do a certain thing, to feel a certain thing...

He might will that something else happens, that I go a different direction, that someone else needs that thing, or even that it is time for a loved one to go home to Him in Heaven.

This, I feel, is often why many people have questions. If God could save them, why didn't He? Why is life so difficult? Why am I in this situation?

The is often glory and beauty in the struggle. There could also be someone waiting for you to let them help you. Honestly, I'm sure it depends on the situation and I'm no expert here for sure. I too, am learning as I go.

I have experienced glory in trial, I have seen people turn towards God who otherwise wouldn't. I have pushed through something thinking I was trusting God until I ran out of options and then BOOM God came through. I've also been given the answer of no, or not yet to my prayers and have/am working really hard to see the glory in that.

God's plan is good, we have to trust in that. We may be riding the roller coaster, but He is there; watching and waiting for the moment that we slow down and see Him. Don't give up because you are scared. Trust that His plan is great though it may be difficult to see at this moment.


Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

If prayer was my everything

If Prayer was my Everything.


If prayer was my everything, life would not be a fairy tale
If prayer was my everything, I would still be tempted
If Christ was tempted in the desert I, as a human, am of course going to be tested.
But, if prayer was my everything my focus would be on God rather than the temptation.
If prayer was my everything it would be He that I sought after
If prayer was my everything, really God would be my everything
If prayer was my everything I would be satisfied
If prayer was my everything, my life would not be perfect
but if prayer was my everything I would follow God's will.
If prayer was my everything I'd be in constant communication with He who created me.
If prayer was my everything I would speak to God
and if prayer was my everything I would know Love
But prayer is not my everything
what am I waiting for?
-Brittany Erin

***please note...by prayer being my everything I do not mean that prayer is something to idolize or treat as a god. What I mean is if prayer were what I spent my time on, filled my day with, etc. God of course should be one's everything and prayer is conversing with God, however it is not a god. 

The hemorrhaging woman, Jesus, and the Eucharist

At one point I was struggling with something and I thought "If only I could be like the woman in the Bible who reached out and touched Jesus and was healed..."

"...there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, 'If I touch even his garments, I shall be made well.' and immediately the hemorrhage ceased; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease...And he said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your disease.'" Mark 5:25-29, 34 (RSV)

First of all to have her faith would be amazing...believing that if I touched the clothes of Christ I would finally be healed. Think about it. SHE HAS BEEN BLEEDING FOR 12 YEARS...12 YEARS! And she believes that by touching this man's clothes, the healing that years of expensive medical visits could not grant her, could finally be received.

Just by touching His clothes

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT What a crazy leap of faith that must have been, and she had to push through the crowds to do it. I can only imagine she was in immense pain...and yet, to her, it was worth it...and oh was it worth it!

Second, sometimes I long for Jesus to be here. Like oh to be that woman, to be able to find Jesus and touch His clothes. To be able to be HEALED by Him. Can you imagine? What times!

And then I think a little harder...and I pray a little harder...and I think...well God is here now...in many ways.... Jesus is present in the Eucharist....in my own body...

OH MY GOODNESS!

Ok, self, you mean to tell me that more than touching His clothing, I actually become a tabernacle and hold the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ within me?!?!?!?!

I mean, yes. As a Catholic, I believe that the consecrated Eucharist really is Jesus. I believe that He is available to me physically in the Eucharist every day. I do more than touch His clothes....I see Him and touch Him, and hold Him within me every time I go to mass.

What a beautiful thing! To have Jesus physically present in the Eucharist. What a wonder, what a miracle! Yet, we take Him for granted. We go through the motions; stick out your hands, say Amen, consume the flat bread, walk back to your seat....did you even just think about what you did?

You said yes, Lord, I believe that this is really You when you say amen. You become a tabernacle containing Jesus in His body, blood, soul, and divinity. You grow in unity with the universal Church because we "are one body, one body in Christ, and we do not stand alone."

I've been trying to think of a conclusion for this post...but how can there be a conclusion for something so great? Go to church, receive Him, rejoice!

Faith and Windshield Wipers

My name is Brittany and I need new windshield wipers.

This is a basic every day life kind of thing right? right.

...but here is the thing...I never remember I need to do something about them until it rains.

I don't think about going to the store literally a block and a half away from my house until the rain is coming down, or the fog is thick and my wipers leave this lovely streak right in the middle of my line of vision. I don't want to do anything about the issue with my windshield wipers until I need them to work and they aren't doing it the way I want them to.

Still seems fairly normal right? Something your average person does...well add to that the fact that two and a half years ago I moved to the land of rapidly changing weather, severe weather, and sudden torrential downpours.

I live somewhere that I NEED my windshield wipers to work.

Ok, ok, but what does that have to do with faith?

Do we not do the same thing with our faith? I know I do.

Sometimes I forget to pray. Sometimes I let my relationship with God waiver. Things are going well, the sun is shining my life is somewhat together, I'm sleeping well, I don't "need" anything from God. He's given me what I need for right now so I don't feel the need to talk to him. I don't feel like praying at night because I just want to go to sleep. I'll do it later.

And then BAM the bad weather of real life hits like driving home from work in the rain suddenly realizing that you should have bought those windshield wipers when it was sunny out and you could see while you were driving.

Life hits hard.

What do you do? Suddenly you care about God again. Suddenly you start to pray. God, why oh why God is this happening? I need you now. I need you now more than ever.

And God is just chilling there like. Child, I've been here the whole time. I've been longing for you, waiting for you. Where have you been? I've loved you, waited for you sent my love to you and had my heart ache for you. My child let me help you and please do not leave.

Stay with me, He says.

Go to Him in the bad times, yes, but rejoice with him in the good. Rest in Him always. Don't wait for the rain. Praise Him in the sun.

My dirty stinky cup...overflows?

"You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." (Psalm 23:5)

My cup overflows...picture that in your head for a second. Imagine Jesus filling up this glass full of goodness and love...

But you say to Jesus...

Lord, I don't want to present my cup to you. It is dirty, fogged up and cracked. I have dropped it, kicked it, put things in it; it is filled with murky water that drips from the crack onto my arm as I hide it behind my back. The odor travels to my nose now as I am speaking to You. I cannot handle the stench of my own filth. My cup is not worthy of Your goodness and love.

Christ extends His hand and says:

My child, bring it to me, I make all things new. Would I ask for your cup if I did not want it? I know you in a deep and intimate way, I know the condition of your cup, and that my dear is why I need it so badly.

I want to fix it. I want to mend the crack in the side, and clean it inside and out. I want to go deep into the layers of fog and clear things up. I want to take the bad things out for you my child and help you to keep them out. It is my desire to replace the murky water you have collected with goodness and love.

Will you not let me fill your cup with love? I want so badly to fix the broken pieces. I want to give you the best of the best. I cannot do so if you do not let me. Child, hand me you broken cup. Let me make it new. You cannot handle the stench so let me do it for you. Let me show you what love should look like. Let me take that burden from you.

...and you my brothers and sisters

"I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God."

Sometimes I kind of zone out during mass and don't really pay attention to the words I'm saying...one day I decided to pay attention to this prayer as we said it together in mass (something we should really do for every prayer in the mass).

When I really paid attention one phrase hit me..."my brothers and sisters."

During this prayer we are admitting to God and our brothers and sisters that we have sinned...and we ask for prayers from Mary, the Angels and Saints...and our brothers and sisters...

Think about that for a second...

You are asking everyone in that church to pray for you...

wait for it...

let it sink in...

....AND they are all asking for your prayers...

yup every single person in that church just asked you to pray for them.

Just think of how powerful this is! You have the prayers of everyone in that church on your side. and you have the great task of praying for your brothers and sisters.

Now just think about how much more powerful this would be if we all actually PAID ATTENTION to the words coming out of our mouths. What if we all actually took a second and prayed for those people who just asked for our prayers after admitting to us that they too are sinners.

When we forget the true meaning of the mass, and the prayers we say at mass it is easy to stop paying attention. I think it is safe to say that we all do it. We all lose focus and we all stop paying attention at one moment or another.

When you "catch yourself" doing that take a second and re-center yourself on what is happening in the mass.

We are all praying with and for each other as one body of Christ with the Holy Spirit present (where 2 or more are gathered...) AND with Jesus present in the body, blood, soul, and divinity...guys we are praying right in front of Jesus in the tabernacle...and later in the mass present right in front of us on the altar...and in our own bodies as we consume the Eucharist.

The power...the glory...

excuse me while I gush for a second about Jesus and get off track...but think about how truly awesome that is! Need help paying attention in mass? Just look at the tabernacle ...right there...right in front of you is Jesus Christ

Now think about saying that prayer for everyone in the church, and everyone saying that prayer for you with Jesus present in the flesh and blood....OH. MY. GOSH.

Can you handle it?

Can you handle how cool that is?

It makes you want to go hop in your car and find another mass doesn't it?

To the Church which was so Welcoming

I spent some time in Mississippi doing some teaching and coursework. While I was there I attended mass at the local Catholic Church. This church knew there were young teachers visiting the area and they reached out to us. They welcomed us every mass, and we were given a little welcoming in the bulletin each week. It was very friendly and it felt so much like home even though it was not actually like the church I attended back home.

This church helped me when a loved one passed away. I reached out to them for a ride to the airport. They were unable to offer me a ride, however they did look up bus information, and offered suggestions for other modes of transportation. It was comforting to know that people who didn't know me were willing to help.

When it was time for the teachers to leave, they offered us a meal together. We ate out and the church paid for the meal. It was as if we were saying good bye to an old friend even though many of us were meeting for the first time.

The church, and its members, made a lasting impact on me. I want to be welcoming like that, I want to be there for someone when they don't know who else to turn to.

To that church, I say thank you, Thank you for being there when I was far away from family in a time of loss. Thank you for making me feel at home in your church. Thank you for showing me that when Christ is present in the Eucharist, I am home. Thank you for being like Christ to me.

Learning to fade for greater glory

I was going to take a nap but it just wasn't happening so here goes...

I like to sing, and I like Jesus; I like to sing for Jesus

It is something I take pleasure in, be it during mass, or during a praise and worship session, or during adoration, I just like it, It fills me with joy...

...I've also grown to like standing out...

I have a unique voice, every human being does, but I've been told that I do and I enjoy that... I enjoy little children sitting in the pew in front of me looking up and saying you have a pretty voice. I enjoy when someone tells my sisters and I that we had a beautiful harmony and asking if we knew we were doing that (answer no we didn't)...I like standing out...I've become vain...and it is this very standing out which has led me on an interesting journey...

If you pray for something be prepared for God to give you a literal answer

One day at mass, I was praying for God to make me an instrument of His peace...who knew that prayer would lead to many much people insisting that I join the choir...what? I had become content with sitting in the congregation, it had been many much years since I was in the children's choir...and also a few years since I actively participated in a mass related ministry...ok ok fine I will do it...

So I am now in a choir and I enjoy it...and I am learning...learning to fade, learning that its ok if no one can pick out my voice from all of the beautiful voices around me, ok if I don't get credit for singing beautifully from small children because there are none around me, ok if I have to discuss that it is difficult for me to actually hold notes for the appropriate amount of time...

...it is ok for my glory to fade because singing is something to do for the glory of God (funny that I'm about to practice singing "Heart of Worship" tonight huh?)

A professor of mine once said that humility is knowing your place...knowing that I can sing fairly well, but that when I am in the choir I am singing for God and not for me...Its a work in progress.

Be prepared...

...for what you pray for.

I've decided (recently) that I do not like the phrase "be careful what you pray for."

It is often used ...for example...when one prays for patience. I get that when you pray for patience you generally are given opportunities to practice patience and therefore become better at it. The problem is no one wants to practice being patient they just want to suddenly be patient...

I know wouldn't that be great...picture it, standing in the check out line at the store. For one reason or another the cashier seems to be obnoxiously slow...and then it happens...their light starts flashing. You hear them explaining something to the customer in front of them. You know whatever this is it requires a supervisor, maybe even a manager, and it will take a long time. You consider switching lines and then wonder if that is rude...afterall you are in the middle of the line its not like you can just sneak out of the end of the line and over to the next register.
...then it hits you...
you prayed for patience yesterday...
well this is what you get...
good job self you prayed for patience and now you are going to be late for your dentist appointment because this line is so slow...

and you become even more irritated...
and you think...well you know what they say: be careful what you pray for.

I don't like it...it is like an excuse to me. I think if you need to pray for something, and think you might need to pray for something...you should pray for it...don't be careful about it...just pray for it...

God knows whats best for you so He'll know if you need it or not...sometimes God's answer is no right? Right. But you should be prepared.

Pray for patience? be prepared to be late.
Pray for guidance? prepare to be led somewhere uncomfortable.
Pray for finances? prepare to be at wits end and solely relying on others.
Pray for God to work through you? prepare to serve others.
Pray for anything at all? prepare to GROW.

Grow in patience, grow in trust, grow in service...be prepared to grow.

Reactions, Reactions, Reactions

Today in my newsfeed I see many many reactions to the Supreme Court's decision about same-sex marriage.

I see people who are immensely happy.

I see people who have taken offense.

I see people who are trying to defend traditional marriage

I see people who are concerned about how this new ruling effects religious institutions.

I see also, a lot of confusion about what the beliefs and feelings of the Catholic Church are. Mind you, once again, I am not a theologian, I am not a member of a religious order, I am not the end all be all of what the Church believes...goodness knows I am human and I make mistakes...so if you are a theologian, feel free to correct me...

We believe in love.

Catholics are romantics...I've seen this meme floating around a lot lately. I cannot recall all of the reasons off of the top of my head...but we are...we are romantic. We believe in love.

We love homosexuals and those struggling with same sex attraction. I've seen posts about this as well. We love them, just as we love any human being. Christ loves us how we are. He knows we are sinners (we are all sinners...the churches and chapels around the world are FILLED with sinners), and He loves us anyway. We as Christians are to follow Christ's example. Did Christ not love the lowly of the lowly? Did he not speak with tax collectors and adulterers? Are we not supposed to love all humans as our brothers and sisters just as Christ did?

We are.

I see posts trying, attempting, to explain this love. How can you claim to love homosexuals and stand against same sex marriage? How can that be? How can you claim to love us and not let us get married. I understand how this can be confusing, and I have yet to see a post that I feel fully explains this love.

The bottom line is that we love humans so much that we do not want anyone to be living in sin. We love everyone so much we want desperately for them to get to Heaven. This is part of our faith that is unfortunately not usually properly explained, or is miscommunicated. I will try my best.

We believe that God made man and woman different on purpose; for procreation and raising families. When the two are joined together they become one flesh (Mark 10:8 or Matthew 19:6). We believe that this is only one reason that marriage should be between one man and one woman (although I must admit it is the reason I am most familiar with). I know this raises questions about single parent homes and children with divorced parents...but those questions would be better explained if given their own post. Regardless, we believe that marriage is between a man and a woman and that is evidenced through the story of Adam and Eve, as well as the way our bodies work.

That being said, we do believe it is a sin to stray away from that path. This yes, does mean that acting on homosexual urges and desires is a sin. It also means that having sex before you receive the sacrament of marriage is a sin. We believe that masturbation is a sin. We believe that viewing or taking part in pornography is a sin. No one said it was easy to follow Christ, but that it is worth it. It is worth it to follow Christ because He leads us to Heaven. He leads us to an eternal paradise. He leads us to capital L Love.

This is not to say that I am perfect and that I don't ever struggle with sins of the flesh (our ever so polite way to say lust). This is not to say that anyone is perfect, or that perfect people are never tempted. Jesus and Mary were perfect: they had a perfect ordering or emotions. Yet, throughout the New Testament (the part of the Bible where it talks about Jesus) Jesus is tempted. The difference between our temptation and Christ's temptation is that, well, He's perfect and therefore was able to win the battle against His temptation. We are not perfect, and often lose our battle against temptation. We means all of humanity, not only homosexuals, not only Christians, but all of imperfect humanity. We are asked to strive for holiness, we are asked to try and avoid those things that lead us into sin.

So while yes, we believe that people who experience same sex attraction should not act on that attraction, we do not hate them. We don't hate them, we do not think they are sick, and we don't think that they cannot be welcomed to our Church. We think that people who struggle with same sex attraction belong in our Church. They belong with Christ who loves them.

It is only if we, as a people who believe in Christ and His love, show others love that they will feel that they truly belong.

I feel like I rambled quite a bit, and I know I did not do justice to this topic, but I hope this starts to explain the love that I have for all individuals.

What even is normal?

I just....I just wish I had a normal life for once...

countless times I've had this thought....but recently something occurred to me

Struggle is normal

It is normal to find life difficult. It is normal to want more, and it is normal to be disappointed from time to time.

No one on this earth lives a normal, easy, plain and boring life. We all like to think that there is that one person out there that nothing ever happens to...well I'm not sure that that person exists.

I've never actually met anyone so content with their life that they do not want to strive for more...whatever more is to them.

I even live in a place (for the first time in my life) that we say...well nothing ever happens in ________
(this is not true...our police do indeed have things to do, we just don't hear about it)

I've come to realize that just because I struggle does not mean that my life is abnormal. My life, in fact, is normal in that I struggle.
Without a struggle what is there to do? Do the same thing day in and day out and never learn how to improve yourself? How boring!

(Look at this I've started unintentionally throwing some philosophy at you...what does this sound like? Erikson?)

Struggles are a huge part of what make us who we are. It is not so much the struggle itself, I suppose, but how we handle the struggle. Every person in some way is going through something: stress, family stuff, work stuff, personal battles in their mind, something.

You have options when you go through something: ask for help, be proactive, be reactive, dwell in the issue, the options are limitless. It is how you choose to handle the struggle (positively or negatively) that determines how you come out of the struggle. So, what will you do?

A year of change

Most people get reflective around the new year. Teachers get reflective as summer vacation begins.

At this time last year I was getting ready to embark on a grand adventure far far away from the comfort and protection of things familiar to me. I was getting ready to not only travel to a place where I knew no one...but to move there...the furthest south and the furthest west I've ever been in my life...and I moved here without even visiting once...what a scary and whirlwind decision.

So much has changed since then. I've had so many experiences, been to places my lil northern self could only dream of, experienced weather I'd only read about in science textbooks, and met many people.

I've learned a lot about communication, emotions and handling life as an adult. I've learned how easy I had it surrounded by like minded people at my Catholic college, or at my youth group growing up...and I'm learning how hard yet important it is to find that support when. You move away.

I'm learning how attached I am to my hometown even though it was my life goal to get the heck out of that place. It's where my family is, my sports teams are loved, and many many memories take place.

...but I'm making new memories.

I'm just about to officially finish my first year as a special education teacher. I've spent so much time and energy working with and working for my students that I feel they are a part of me. They've pushed me, pulled me, and torn me in several different directions. Sometimes there were tears, sometimes candy was a must to relieve stress, sometimes there was laughter, sometimes pure joy. It was a rough go at it, but when I was asked by a coworker if I was teaching special education again next year there was not a doubt in my mind that I would.

I'm looking forward to having a summer off for the first time since I was 16, and I'm excited to see where I am a year from now.

Just a Teacher

I worked with a substitute once.
When there weren't any students in the room we chatted a bit. And she asked me a question.

A question which I'm sure was meant to compliment my intelligence...but in all actuality it offended me.

So what's next for you? I'm sure you want to do more than just teaching.

I didn't have a good response at the time...but the more I think about it the more I know exactly what I want to say next time someone asks me.

Oh, but I already do more than "just teaching."

Sure I teach, so that is a giant part of what I do, but in reality I do SO much more than that.

I am a mentor.
officially and otherwise. I have a student I am a mentor to, but I like to think I mentor all of my students, or at least the ones who will open up to me that way. I like to check in with my students and see how they are doing; to check in with their other teachers and see what they need. I give them encouragement to do well in school and try to encourage them to do their best in order to get the most out of life.

I am a shoulder to lean on.
Kids have bad days, its part of life. I am there to comfort them if they will let me, to give them space if that's what they need. To care for them as they can't help but cry in front of their classmates. To welcome a hug or to give a pat on the back. I am the adult there for my students when they need someone to look to for comfort.

I am a momma bear to a sick lil one. 
But really though, I do get called mom on occasion. Remember those days when you got sent to school even though you didn't feel well? You didn't have a fever and mom had to go to work. It wasn't bad enough to stay home...but it wasn't good enough to want to be at school either. I'm there for those kids to acknowledge that they don't feel well. To feel their foreheads and reassure them that they don't have a fever. To let them get a drink of water which feels like liquid gold to a sick child in the middle of the school day. To let them rest their lil heads on the desk when their head is pounding.

I am the relief after your bad weekend.
Kids go through a lot these days. Poverty, parents getting divorced, many worse things. It is a lot for the child, and the weekend can be a nightmare. I have actually heard students saying they didn't want to go home for the weekend; that Friday is weird because it is a fun day of school but that its sad because they cannot come to school on the weekend. On Monday we are back; back to love them, back to entertain them, to make sure they have what they need, to bear the brunt of their anger, to dry their tears. We teachers are there to listen to them, to show patience and mercy, to create a safe place for our kids.

I am a writer.
I write lessons, I write word problems, I write the rules to new board games, and I write legal documents. I am a special educator, my student's educational future is in my hands. I write up 15-18 page legal documents that stay with the student at every school they attend. I have a chance to give them support and service, and to document it in a legally binding document.

I am a creator.
Students learn best when they are engaged. Students are engaged when they think it is fun. I am constantly thinking of new games for my students to use to practice skills that are critical to their progress in the regular education setting. I create ways to make learning addition and subtraction for the 6th month in a row fun again. I create reasons to smile in the middle...or even at the end of the day.

I am an actress.
Teaching is 90% acting. I write my own scripts by writing lesson plans....but life doesn't always go as planned and I end up running improv mode (I am so glad I took an improv class in high school). I am able to think on my feet and work with technology glitches...just today my technology quit working just as I had planned on my students going online...welp time to come up with something new before I lose the interest of my students!

I am a puzzle solver.
Special needs students are like puzzles; no two are alike yet many times the end goal is the same. Five children all need to learn the same math skill by the end of the year, but their brains work in very different ways. I admit it is frustrating in the beginning of the year when it feels like I am making zero progress. This point in the year, however when we are heading right towards, or surpassing mastery is the best thing in the world! Getting to that mastery, that is the puzzle...how can I present the same information in five different ways in order to make it make sense? How can I find where you are getting stuck?

So now I guess I have a much better response to give someone the next time they ask. I am so much more than a teacher.

Why I love being Catholic!

I'm no theologian so correct me if I'm wrong!

So I now live in a strange place where people actually talk about their faith fairly openly. It is strange to me being from a place where you keep your faith to yourself. I guess that is what happens when you move from the land of the blue states to the land of the red states...and to (according to FOX news anyway) the most pro-life state in the country!

Being around people who openly share their faith means that I have encountered people from various Christian denominations. This has been very interesting for me to learn all of the differences between our denominations, and to meet people who share and allow me to share without judgement.

This experience has also led me to a greater appreciation of my own Catholic faith. There are just some things that are so special about our faith.

We know who founded our faith.
Many, many, many people know who founded their denomination. How many of those people can say that the founder was Jesus Christ? We can. Jesus Christ founded our faith when he made Peter the rock of the Church; when he made Peter the first Pope.

Guys! Jesus is our founder! Jesus Christ, our savior, the lover of our souls, the lion and the lamb...guys God Himself is our founder!

Our perspective on Mary is phenomenal
We, like many others believe that Mary is the Mother of God. What is unique about the Catholic faith is the relationship we have with Mary. We believe that Mary wants us to be close to her Son and that she will lead us to Him. We do not worship Mary, but like the saint, we pray to her. We ask her to take our prayers and deliver them to her Son. Who better to bring our prayers to Jesus than his mother?

Jesus comes to Church with us!
We (probably) all know Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
Cool, cool so when we gather and pray Jesus is there. This is very cool, but want to know what is even cooler? 
At the point of the consecration we believe, as Catholics, that the host actually becomes the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus Christ.
Guys, do you know what that means? Do you? DO YOU?
It means Jesus is physically present with us at mass. JESUS IS PHYSICALLY THERE! How awesome is that?
Not only is He there, but He loves us so much he lets us consume Him. Guys we eat Jesus, we put Him in our mouths and eat him. Jesus goes inside of us!
WE ARE LIVING TABERNACLES!

We can attend mass anywhere in the world and be able to understand what is going on!
Because we follow the Pope, and we all believe the same thing, we believe in the order of the mass. A Catholic mass will always begin with the liturgy of the word, which is followed by the liturgy of the Eucharist. The mass is filled with scripture, prayers, music, and of course the miracle of bread, water, and wine becoming Jesus Christ. I can go anywhere in the country and participate in the mass. I can go anywhere in the world and know what is happening in the mass even if I do not understand the language. It is wonderful.

Forgiveness
The Catholic faith has seven wonderful sacraments: Baptism, Reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders, and Anointing of the Sick. They are all awesome, but there is something about Reconciliation I want to pinpoint. Reconciliation, or confession, is a unique opportunity we have as Catholics to ask Christ for forgiveness. The priest in confession, works in persona Christi, which means in the person of Christ. This means we come before Christ to ask for forgiveness, and He gives it to us. Guys Christ really forgives us and we know because we are absolved of our sins. We don't have to wonder "did God forgive me for that, I mean I asked him in prayer but I'm just not sure if he granted forgiveness." We know because in the sacrament of confession, we are forgiven by the priest who is acting in the person of Christ. Christ works through that priest to forgive us! Whoah.

So those are a few of the reasons why I love my faith. I do truly enjoy learning about other people's faiths, and am often inspired by the strength of their faith, but I deeply love love love my faith. I love being a Catholic! This was a long post, perhaps I should have named it "Five Reasons Why I Love Being Catholic," seeing as we are now in a culture of lists. If you made it to the end of this post I give you mad props, and hope to see you in Church sometime!

The new girl in church

I've always been part of a church group...First I went to the Catholic school, and went to Children's Liturgy every Sunday...then CCD...the Youth Group...the a super duper Catholic college with many opportunities to be part of  a faith based group, households (kinda like sororities), ministries, mission trips, shoot we talked about God at work and in class...the companionship was everywhere...

but now...I'm the new girl...

er well I really shouldn't be the new girl anymore...

I moved here in August...and found a church I like enough to go to consistently about ummmm maybe 3 months ago...

...and I can count the number of times someone has spoken to me after church on one hand....and it was either an older woman or a small child...not a single person my own age...

This I am finding to be a problem in our church...think about it...how often do  you actually look around and talk to the people you don't know after mass? I bet it isn't too often.

We are regulars, we sit in our regular spots, talk to our regular friends and that's about it

Straight up it. We come we pray we talk to people we already know and we leave...

...but I have no one to talk to ...so I go to church, I pray, I leave...slowly walking out of the pew...hoping someone will talk to me...

I love love love my faith, don't get  me wrong, but the way we as Catholics interact with each other is disappointing..if we are all one body in Christ...why don't we speak to each other?

Think about it the next time you're in church...that person who always comes to mass alone? Say hello to them...really just a hello is all it takes to reach out to the new person in church.