Thy Will be Done

A long time ago I wrote a blog post called Pray the hardest... about the phrase "pray hardest when it's hardest to pray." I didn't find it hard to pray in difficult circumstances at the time but I think I have a new understanding.

It is TERRIFYING to pray for a miracle, to need a miracle, knowing that you might not get one.

Let's back up for a second. Yes, God has the power to do anything, and I firmly believe that he can perform the miracle that you or I pray for. I have no doubt in that!

Where the fear, worry, and anxiety set in is where I know God has the power to do what I so desperately want Him to do for me, but it might not be His will.

Knowing, believing and trusting in God can be a roller coaster ride. For me, trusting can be like the first big drop on a roller coaster. You know, the one that looks like its practically a 90 degree angle? The one where you're really hoping the people who welded the coaster together, and fit the seats and the buckles and everything together actually knew what they were doing? Where you go, oh shoot! was there an inspection sticker? How long has it been since this has been inspected? Will I survive? 

Yeah, trusting God can be like that for me sometimes. Like I know He has a plan and I know it is better than mine but sometimes I really just want His will to be exactly what my will is. I want a miracle.

Yet, in the same breath, every Sunday as I say the Lord's Prayer in church I pray these three words
Thy will be done...

God's will may not be the same as mine.

He might not will for me to get a promotion, to do a certain thing, to feel a certain thing...

He might will that something else happens, that I go a different direction, that someone else needs that thing, or even that it is time for a loved one to go home to Him in Heaven.

This, I feel, is often why many people have questions. If God could save them, why didn't He? Why is life so difficult? Why am I in this situation?

The is often glory and beauty in the struggle. There could also be someone waiting for you to let them help you. Honestly, I'm sure it depends on the situation and I'm no expert here for sure. I too, am learning as I go.

I have experienced glory in trial, I have seen people turn towards God who otherwise wouldn't. I have pushed through something thinking I was trusting God until I ran out of options and then BOOM God came through. I've also been given the answer of no, or not yet to my prayers and have/am working really hard to see the glory in that.

God's plan is good, we have to trust in that. We may be riding the roller coaster, but He is there; watching and waiting for the moment that we slow down and see Him. Don't give up because you are scared. Trust that His plan is great though it may be difficult to see at this moment.


Fun new disclaimer!
This blog and the posts contained within may or may not reflect the views/beliefs of my employer. 

If prayer was my everything

If Prayer was my Everything.


If prayer was my everything, life would not be a fairy tale
If prayer was my everything, I would still be tempted
If Christ was tempted in the desert I, as a human, am of course going to be tested.
But, if prayer was my everything my focus would be on God rather than the temptation.
If prayer was my everything it would be He that I sought after
If prayer was my everything, really God would be my everything
If prayer was my everything I would be satisfied
If prayer was my everything, my life would not be perfect
but if prayer was my everything I would follow God's will.
If prayer was my everything I'd be in constant communication with He who created me.
If prayer was my everything I would speak to God
and if prayer was my everything I would know Love
But prayer is not my everything
what am I waiting for?
-Brittany Erin

***please note...by prayer being my everything I do not mean that prayer is something to idolize or treat as a god. What I mean is if prayer were what I spent my time on, filled my day with, etc. God of course should be one's everything and prayer is conversing with God, however it is not a god. 

The hemorrhaging woman, Jesus, and the Eucharist

At one point I was struggling with something and I thought "If only I could be like the woman in the Bible who reached out and touched Jesus and was healed..."

"...there was a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, 'If I touch even his garments, I shall be made well.' and immediately the hemorrhage ceased; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease...And he said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your disease.'" Mark 5:25-29, 34 (RSV)

First of all to have her faith would be amazing...believing that if I touched the clothes of Christ I would finally be healed. Think about it. SHE HAS BEEN BLEEDING FOR 12 YEARS...12 YEARS! And she believes that by touching this man's clothes, the healing that years of expensive medical visits could not grant her, could finally be received.

Just by touching His clothes

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT What a crazy leap of faith that must have been, and she had to push through the crowds to do it. I can only imagine she was in immense pain...and yet, to her, it was worth it...and oh was it worth it!

Second, sometimes I long for Jesus to be here. Like oh to be that woman, to be able to find Jesus and touch His clothes. To be able to be HEALED by Him. Can you imagine? What times!

And then I think a little harder...and I pray a little harder...and I think...well God is here now...in many ways.... Jesus is present in the Eucharist....in my own body...

OH MY GOODNESS!

Ok, self, you mean to tell me that more than touching His clothing, I actually become a tabernacle and hold the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ within me?!?!?!?!

I mean, yes. As a Catholic, I believe that the consecrated Eucharist really is Jesus. I believe that He is available to me physically in the Eucharist every day. I do more than touch His clothes....I see Him and touch Him, and hold Him within me every time I go to mass.

What a beautiful thing! To have Jesus physically present in the Eucharist. What a wonder, what a miracle! Yet, we take Him for granted. We go through the motions; stick out your hands, say Amen, consume the flat bread, walk back to your seat....did you even just think about what you did?

You said yes, Lord, I believe that this is really You when you say amen. You become a tabernacle containing Jesus in His body, blood, soul, and divinity. You grow in unity with the universal Church because we "are one body, one body in Christ, and we do not stand alone."

I've been trying to think of a conclusion for this post...but how can there be a conclusion for something so great? Go to church, receive Him, rejoice!

Faith and Windshield Wipers

My name is Brittany and I need new windshield wipers.

This is a basic every day life kind of thing right? right.

...but here is the thing...I never remember I need to do something about them until it rains.

I don't think about going to the store literally a block and a half away from my house until the rain is coming down, or the fog is thick and my wipers leave this lovely streak right in the middle of my line of vision. I don't want to do anything about the issue with my windshield wipers until I need them to work and they aren't doing it the way I want them to.

Still seems fairly normal right? Something your average person does...well add to that the fact that two and a half years ago I moved to the land of rapidly changing weather, severe weather, and sudden torrential downpours.

I live somewhere that I NEED my windshield wipers to work.

Ok, ok, but what does that have to do with faith?

Do we not do the same thing with our faith? I know I do.

Sometimes I forget to pray. Sometimes I let my relationship with God waiver. Things are going well, the sun is shining my life is somewhat together, I'm sleeping well, I don't "need" anything from God. He's given me what I need for right now so I don't feel the need to talk to him. I don't feel like praying at night because I just want to go to sleep. I'll do it later.

And then BAM the bad weather of real life hits like driving home from work in the rain suddenly realizing that you should have bought those windshield wipers when it was sunny out and you could see while you were driving.

Life hits hard.

What do you do? Suddenly you care about God again. Suddenly you start to pray. God, why oh why God is this happening? I need you now. I need you now more than ever.

And God is just chilling there like. Child, I've been here the whole time. I've been longing for you, waiting for you. Where have you been? I've loved you, waited for you sent my love to you and had my heart ache for you. My child let me help you and please do not leave.

Stay with me, He says.

Go to Him in the bad times, yes, but rejoice with him in the good. Rest in Him always. Don't wait for the rain. Praise Him in the sun.

My dirty stinky cup...overflows?

"You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." (Psalm 23:5)

My cup overflows...picture that in your head for a second. Imagine Jesus filling up this glass full of goodness and love...

But you say to Jesus...

Lord, I don't want to present my cup to you. It is dirty, fogged up and cracked. I have dropped it, kicked it, put things in it; it is filled with murky water that drips from the crack onto my arm as I hide it behind my back. The odor travels to my nose now as I am speaking to You. I cannot handle the stench of my own filth. My cup is not worthy of Your goodness and love.

Christ extends His hand and says:

My child, bring it to me, I make all things new. Would I ask for your cup if I did not want it? I know you in a deep and intimate way, I know the condition of your cup, and that my dear is why I need it so badly.

I want to fix it. I want to mend the crack in the side, and clean it inside and out. I want to go deep into the layers of fog and clear things up. I want to take the bad things out for you my child and help you to keep them out. It is my desire to replace the murky water you have collected with goodness and love.

Will you not let me fill your cup with love? I want so badly to fix the broken pieces. I want to give you the best of the best. I cannot do so if you do not let me. Child, hand me you broken cup. Let me make it new. You cannot handle the stench so let me do it for you. Let me show you what love should look like. Let me take that burden from you.

...and you my brothers and sisters

"I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God."

Sometimes I kind of zone out during mass and don't really pay attention to the words I'm saying...one day I decided to pay attention to this prayer as we said it together in mass (something we should really do for every prayer in the mass).

When I really paid attention one phrase hit me..."my brothers and sisters."

During this prayer we are admitting to God and our brothers and sisters that we have sinned...and we ask for prayers from Mary, the Angels and Saints...and our brothers and sisters...

Think about that for a second...

You are asking everyone in that church to pray for you...

wait for it...

let it sink in...

....AND they are all asking for your prayers...

yup every single person in that church just asked you to pray for them.

Just think of how powerful this is! You have the prayers of everyone in that church on your side. and you have the great task of praying for your brothers and sisters.

Now just think about how much more powerful this would be if we all actually PAID ATTENTION to the words coming out of our mouths. What if we all actually took a second and prayed for those people who just asked for our prayers after admitting to us that they too are sinners.

When we forget the true meaning of the mass, and the prayers we say at mass it is easy to stop paying attention. I think it is safe to say that we all do it. We all lose focus and we all stop paying attention at one moment or another.

When you "catch yourself" doing that take a second and re-center yourself on what is happening in the mass.

We are all praying with and for each other as one body of Christ with the Holy Spirit present (where 2 or more are gathered...) AND with Jesus present in the body, blood, soul, and divinity...guys we are praying right in front of Jesus in the tabernacle...and later in the mass present right in front of us on the altar...and in our own bodies as we consume the Eucharist.

The power...the glory...

excuse me while I gush for a second about Jesus and get off track...but think about how truly awesome that is! Need help paying attention in mass? Just look at the tabernacle ...right there...right in front of you is Jesus Christ

Now think about saying that prayer for everyone in the church, and everyone saying that prayer for you with Jesus present in the flesh and blood....OH. MY. GOSH.

Can you handle it?

Can you handle how cool that is?

It makes you want to go hop in your car and find another mass doesn't it?

To the Church which was so Welcoming

I spent some time in Mississippi doing some teaching and coursework. While I was there I attended mass at the local Catholic Church. This church knew there were young teachers visiting the area and they reached out to us. They welcomed us every mass, and we were given a little welcoming in the bulletin each week. It was very friendly and it felt so much like home even though it was not actually like the church I attended back home.

This church helped me when a loved one passed away. I reached out to them for a ride to the airport. They were unable to offer me a ride, however they did look up bus information, and offered suggestions for other modes of transportation. It was comforting to know that people who didn't know me were willing to help.

When it was time for the teachers to leave, they offered us a meal together. We ate out and the church paid for the meal. It was as if we were saying good bye to an old friend even though many of us were meeting for the first time.

The church, and its members, made a lasting impact on me. I want to be welcoming like that, I want to be there for someone when they don't know who else to turn to.

To that church, I say thank you, Thank you for being there when I was far away from family in a time of loss. Thank you for making me feel at home in your church. Thank you for showing me that when Christ is present in the Eucharist, I am home. Thank you for being like Christ to me.