My dirty stinky cup...overflows?

"You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." (Psalm 23:5)

My cup overflows...picture that in your head for a second. Imagine Jesus filling up this glass full of goodness and love...

But you say to Jesus...

Lord, I don't want to present my cup to you. It is dirty, fogged up and cracked. I have dropped it, kicked it, put things in it; it is filled with murky water that drips from the crack onto my arm as I hide it behind my back. The odor travels to my nose now as I am speaking to You. I cannot handle the stench of my own filth. My cup is not worthy of Your goodness and love.

Christ extends His hand and says:

My child, bring it to me, I make all things new. Would I ask for your cup if I did not want it? I know you in a deep and intimate way, I know the condition of your cup, and that my dear is why I need it so badly.

I want to fix it. I want to mend the crack in the side, and clean it inside and out. I want to go deep into the layers of fog and clear things up. I want to take the bad things out for you my child and help you to keep them out. It is my desire to replace the murky water you have collected with goodness and love.

Will you not let me fill your cup with love? I want so badly to fix the broken pieces. I want to give you the best of the best. I cannot do so if you do not let me. Child, hand me you broken cup. Let me make it new. You cannot handle the stench so let me do it for you. Let me show you what love should look like. Let me take that burden from you.

...and you my brothers and sisters

"I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God."

Sometimes I kind of zone out during mass and don't really pay attention to the words I'm saying...one day I decided to pay attention to this prayer as we said it together in mass (something we should really do for every prayer in the mass).

When I really paid attention one phrase hit me..."my brothers and sisters."

During this prayer we are admitting to God and our brothers and sisters that we have sinned...and we ask for prayers from Mary, the Angels and Saints...and our brothers and sisters...

Think about that for a second...

You are asking everyone in that church to pray for you...

wait for it...

let it sink in...

....AND they are all asking for your prayers...

yup every single person in that church just asked you to pray for them.

Just think of how powerful this is! You have the prayers of everyone in that church on your side. and you have the great task of praying for your brothers and sisters.

Now just think about how much more powerful this would be if we all actually PAID ATTENTION to the words coming out of our mouths. What if we all actually took a second and prayed for those people who just asked for our prayers after admitting to us that they too are sinners.

When we forget the true meaning of the mass, and the prayers we say at mass it is easy to stop paying attention. I think it is safe to say that we all do it. We all lose focus and we all stop paying attention at one moment or another.

When you "catch yourself" doing that take a second and re-center yourself on what is happening in the mass.

We are all praying with and for each other as one body of Christ with the Holy Spirit present (where 2 or more are gathered...) AND with Jesus present in the body, blood, soul, and divinity...guys we are praying right in front of Jesus in the tabernacle...and later in the mass present right in front of us on the altar...and in our own bodies as we consume the Eucharist.

The power...the glory...

excuse me while I gush for a second about Jesus and get off track...but think about how truly awesome that is! Need help paying attention in mass? Just look at the tabernacle ...right there...right in front of you is Jesus Christ

Now think about saying that prayer for everyone in the church, and everyone saying that prayer for you with Jesus present in the flesh and blood....OH. MY. GOSH.

Can you handle it?

Can you handle how cool that is?

It makes you want to go hop in your car and find another mass doesn't it?

To the Church which was so Welcoming

I spent some time in Mississippi doing some teaching and coursework. While I was there I attended mass at the local Catholic Church. This church knew there were young teachers visiting the area and they reached out to us. They welcomed us every mass, and we were given a little welcoming in the bulletin each week. It was very friendly and it felt so much like home even though it was not actually like the church I attended back home.

This church helped me when a loved one passed away. I reached out to them for a ride to the airport. They were unable to offer me a ride, however they did look up bus information, and offered suggestions for other modes of transportation. It was comforting to know that people who didn't know me were willing to help.

When it was time for the teachers to leave, they offered us a meal together. We ate out and the church paid for the meal. It was as if we were saying good bye to an old friend even though many of us were meeting for the first time.

The church, and its members, made a lasting impact on me. I want to be welcoming like that, I want to be there for someone when they don't know who else to turn to.

To that church, I say thank you, Thank you for being there when I was far away from family in a time of loss. Thank you for making me feel at home in your church. Thank you for showing me that when Christ is present in the Eucharist, I am home. Thank you for being like Christ to me.

Learning to fade for greater glory

I was going to take a nap but it just wasn't happening so here goes...

I like to sing, and I like Jesus; I like to sing for Jesus

It is something I take pleasure in, be it during mass, or during a praise and worship session, or during adoration, I just like it, It fills me with joy...

...I've also grown to like standing out...

I have a unique voice, every human being does, but I've been told that I do and I enjoy that... I enjoy little children sitting in the pew in front of me looking up and saying you have a pretty voice. I enjoy when someone tells my sisters and I that we had a beautiful harmony and asking if we knew we were doing that (answer no we didn't)...I like standing out...I've become vain...and it is this very standing out which has led me on an interesting journey...

If you pray for something be prepared for God to give you a literal answer

One day at mass, I was praying for God to make me an instrument of His peace...who knew that prayer would lead to many much people insisting that I join the choir...what? I had become content with sitting in the congregation, it had been many much years since I was in the children's choir...and also a few years since I actively participated in a mass related ministry...ok ok fine I will do it...

So I am now in a choir and I enjoy it...and I am learning...learning to fade, learning that its ok if no one can pick out my voice from all of the beautiful voices around me, ok if I don't get credit for singing beautifully from small children because there are none around me, ok if I have to discuss that it is difficult for me to actually hold notes for the appropriate amount of time...

...it is ok for my glory to fade because singing is something to do for the glory of God (funny that I'm about to practice singing "Heart of Worship" tonight huh?)

A professor of mine once said that humility is knowing your place...knowing that I can sing fairly well, but that when I am in the choir I am singing for God and not for me...Its a work in progress.

Be prepared...

...for what you pray for.

I've decided (recently) that I do not like the phrase "be careful what you pray for."

It is often used ...for example...when one prays for patience. I get that when you pray for patience you generally are given opportunities to practice patience and therefore become better at it. The problem is no one wants to practice being patient they just want to suddenly be patient...

I know wouldn't that be great...picture it, standing in the check out line at the store. For one reason or another the cashier seems to be obnoxiously slow...and then it happens...their light starts flashing. You hear them explaining something to the customer in front of them. You know whatever this is it requires a supervisor, maybe even a manager, and it will take a long time. You consider switching lines and then wonder if that is rude...afterall you are in the middle of the line its not like you can just sneak out of the end of the line and over to the next register.
...then it hits you...
you prayed for patience yesterday...
well this is what you get...
good job self you prayed for patience and now you are going to be late for your dentist appointment because this line is so slow...

and you become even more irritated...
and you think...well you know what they say: be careful what you pray for.

I don't like it...it is like an excuse to me. I think if you need to pray for something, and think you might need to pray for something...you should pray for it...don't be careful about it...just pray for it...

God knows whats best for you so He'll know if you need it or not...sometimes God's answer is no right? Right. But you should be prepared.

Pray for patience? be prepared to be late.
Pray for guidance? prepare to be led somewhere uncomfortable.
Pray for finances? prepare to be at wits end and solely relying on others.
Pray for God to work through you? prepare to serve others.
Pray for anything at all? prepare to GROW.

Grow in patience, grow in trust, grow in service...be prepared to grow.

Reactions, Reactions, Reactions

Today in my newsfeed I see many many reactions to the Supreme Court's decision about same-sex marriage.

I see people who are immensely happy.

I see people who have taken offense.

I see people who are trying to defend traditional marriage

I see people who are concerned about how this new ruling effects religious institutions.

I see also, a lot of confusion about what the beliefs and feelings of the Catholic Church are. Mind you, once again, I am not a theologian, I am not a member of a religious order, I am not the end all be all of what the Church believes...goodness knows I am human and I make mistakes...so if you are a theologian, feel free to correct me...

We believe in love.

Catholics are romantics...I've seen this meme floating around a lot lately. I cannot recall all of the reasons off of the top of my head...but we are...we are romantic. We believe in love.

We love homosexuals and those struggling with same sex attraction. I've seen posts about this as well. We love them, just as we love any human being. Christ loves us how we are. He knows we are sinners (we are all sinners...the churches and chapels around the world are FILLED with sinners), and He loves us anyway. We as Christians are to follow Christ's example. Did Christ not love the lowly of the lowly? Did he not speak with tax collectors and adulterers? Are we not supposed to love all humans as our brothers and sisters just as Christ did?

We are.

I see posts trying, attempting, to explain this love. How can you claim to love homosexuals and stand against same sex marriage? How can that be? How can you claim to love us and not let us get married. I understand how this can be confusing, and I have yet to see a post that I feel fully explains this love.

The bottom line is that we love humans so much that we do not want anyone to be living in sin. We love everyone so much we want desperately for them to get to Heaven. This is part of our faith that is unfortunately not usually properly explained, or is miscommunicated. I will try my best.

We believe that God made man and woman different on purpose; for procreation and raising families. When the two are joined together they become one flesh (Mark 10:8 or Matthew 19:6). We believe that this is only one reason that marriage should be between one man and one woman (although I must admit it is the reason I am most familiar with). I know this raises questions about single parent homes and children with divorced parents...but those questions would be better explained if given their own post. Regardless, we believe that marriage is between a man and a woman and that is evidenced through the story of Adam and Eve, as well as the way our bodies work.

That being said, we do believe it is a sin to stray away from that path. This yes, does mean that acting on homosexual urges and desires is a sin. It also means that having sex before you receive the sacrament of marriage is a sin. We believe that masturbation is a sin. We believe that viewing or taking part in pornography is a sin. No one said it was easy to follow Christ, but that it is worth it. It is worth it to follow Christ because He leads us to Heaven. He leads us to an eternal paradise. He leads us to capital L Love.

This is not to say that I am perfect and that I don't ever struggle with sins of the flesh (our ever so polite way to say lust). This is not to say that anyone is perfect, or that perfect people are never tempted. Jesus and Mary were perfect: they had a perfect ordering or emotions. Yet, throughout the New Testament (the part of the Bible where it talks about Jesus) Jesus is tempted. The difference between our temptation and Christ's temptation is that, well, He's perfect and therefore was able to win the battle against His temptation. We are not perfect, and often lose our battle against temptation. We means all of humanity, not only homosexuals, not only Christians, but all of imperfect humanity. We are asked to strive for holiness, we are asked to try and avoid those things that lead us into sin.

So while yes, we believe that people who experience same sex attraction should not act on that attraction, we do not hate them. We don't hate them, we do not think they are sick, and we don't think that they cannot be welcomed to our Church. We think that people who struggle with same sex attraction belong in our Church. They belong with Christ who loves them.

It is only if we, as a people who believe in Christ and His love, show others love that they will feel that they truly belong.

I feel like I rambled quite a bit, and I know I did not do justice to this topic, but I hope this starts to explain the love that I have for all individuals.

What even is normal?

I just....I just wish I had a normal life for once...

countless times I've had this thought....but recently something occurred to me

Struggle is normal

It is normal to find life difficult. It is normal to want more, and it is normal to be disappointed from time to time.

No one on this earth lives a normal, easy, plain and boring life. We all like to think that there is that one person out there that nothing ever happens to...well I'm not sure that that person exists.

I've never actually met anyone so content with their life that they do not want to strive for more...whatever more is to them.

I even live in a place (for the first time in my life) that we say...well nothing ever happens in ________
(this is not true...our police do indeed have things to do, we just don't hear about it)

I've come to realize that just because I struggle does not mean that my life is abnormal. My life, in fact, is normal in that I struggle.
Without a struggle what is there to do? Do the same thing day in and day out and never learn how to improve yourself? How boring!

(Look at this I've started unintentionally throwing some philosophy at you...what does this sound like? Erikson?)

Struggles are a huge part of what make us who we are. It is not so much the struggle itself, I suppose, but how we handle the struggle. Every person in some way is going through something: stress, family stuff, work stuff, personal battles in their mind, something.

You have options when you go through something: ask for help, be proactive, be reactive, dwell in the issue, the options are limitless. It is how you choose to handle the struggle (positively or negatively) that determines how you come out of the struggle. So, what will you do?