Do I know my audience?

Easy answer...no

All throughout school I was told "Know your audience."  A typical teacher phrase.

What does it mean? It means you should know who is reading your stuff...if you're writing about a book...you should know if your audience is reading to learn about the book because they haven't read it and they want to know about it...you should know if they are reading because they are looking for your interpretation of the book...basically has your reader read the book before or not....how much background info do you have to put into the writing in order for it to make sense to your reader...

Well ok I don't usually write about books...but I still sit here wondering...who is my audience?

It is always interesting for me when someone comes up to me and is all like...wow I've been reading your blog I really liked X,Y, and Z.

or maybe its just a casual mention about my blog and I'm all like "Whoah I had no clue you read that!"

Or the moment when you get "so and so was talking to me all about your blog the other day..."

Who are you people that I am writing for? friends, acquaintances, complete strangers?

WHO ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I really just started this as a place to write down extended thoughts of things I think about...writing down thoughts about thinking...yes, I know what you are thinking... I am so intelligent and eloquent

anyway it started out as something for me and if other people wanted to read it they could...if not ... whatever...but as I keep going I grow more and more curious about who is reading this blog...do they like it? Do they wish I could write about something in particular? Do they have a way to contact me?

well I suppose you could contact me via the comments...I don't really check the email associated with blog all that often...lets be honest I made it when I was little so giving out the name to people is embarrassing...My google plus circles are lookin' really small so not too many people can contact me that way...but I suppose there are ways for you to contact me.

I'm not even completely sure where I was going with this post...I really just have been thinking about it a bit. Its interesting this digital world where I don't even have to know the people I am writing for, and where they (whoever they are) can read it as soon as I post it.

I suppose I'll just continue on doing what I'm doing...seeing as that was the point of this blog and all, but feel free to comment and such...feedback is always a wonderful thing

In other news I'm in an interesting music phase right now and cutesy/weird music is apparently now for me...

and that my friends is what you get from sleep deprived writing...have a random day!

What is beauty?

So what is beauty? This is...and probably will always be a tough question...

I recently posted some pictures on facebook (I love me some social media) and at first I was all like....dangggg I love the way I look in these pictures! and I was pleased with them...but then I looked at them with more than just a glance and I started picking myself apart...oh my dress is slightly disheveled here...my hair is frizzy there...my nose is GIANT...ewww my cheeks look huge in that picture...and then I think...

really? really self? are we really going to do this right now?

Women...we just don't get it...we tear ourselves down...we notice things about ourselves that others wouldn't even think of...or others might find attractive...who knows? 

We compare ourselves to others...see that other girl in the picture? oh she looks much better in this picture than I do...Wow look at that girl she is so pretty, I could never pull off an outfit like that...lucky her that her clothes fit so well...her belly is flatter than mine, how does she do it?...My chest looks completely flat compared to hers...

Why? Why do we do this...honestly I do not know...I am not a psychologist, and all of the courses I took on psychology were related to human development, not the way women think of themselves so I can't really even begin to guess...

Many people would probably blame the media...don't we just love love love to blame the media. I'm sure it plays a part, probably a rather large one...but I think there are also other factors. I think we do this because we always want more. We always want to be prettier, we always want to get more attention, we always want to be desirable...and we always think we aren't...we always take things very personally...even if there isn't actually something to take personally. 

The point remains that women too often don't see their beauty...they only see their PERCEIVED flaws-what they think makes them look unattractive...

So I look at the pictures again...and I see happiness, I see the kind of smile where it shows on my whole face and in my eyes, I see wonderfully curly hair, I see my blue eyes that sometimes show hints of other colors, I see that wrinkle in my forehead; not as something bad, but as an accent to my face, I see those times when I still look like a little kid, and I see those times when I look like the woman I've become

Beauty is not a set of standards that women have to achieve. It is not something that can be clearly defined. It doesn't come in a package. There is no outfit that suddenly makes you more beautiful. It is not hidden in make up and accessories. 

There is no formula for beauty.

Beauty is something that has to do with who you are. Inner beauty radiates outward, it is true, it isn't just something people say; I see it every day. Beauty is very personal: your beauty is unique. No one else has your beauty. You are the only one as beautiful as you are. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes, hair, nose, your joy, your personality...whatever it is that makes you who you are, and as beautiful as you are...you are the only one like that...now that right there is something special. Embrace it.

Living life as a prayer

This is not something I'm fantastic at, or I know everything about, it is just something I would like to start doing....

I don't remember what I was thinking about...but I was surely thinking...maybe it was about how every lent I'm all like "I'm going to say a prayer every morning when I wake up" and then I fail...maybe it was "I wish I had more time to pray when I could pay attention rather than when I'm half asleep" ....maybe it was "hmmmm I should really pray more I don't really have an excuse now that my summer course is over"....I don't know...

but at some point it hit me...ummmm my whole life should be a prayer!

Now I know I've heard this before, and I know I've thought about doing this before, probably several times, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense...

I mean think about it: Christ gave up his life for us: for you, and me, as individuals...His LIFE.

Sure sure, He is fully divine...of course he would do that....

but wait a minute...let it sink in...think about it...He is also FULLY HUMAN...and He didn't have to do it, He didn't have to die on a cross. He could have chosen not to; He even asked His Father if it was possible that He didn't have to go through the suffering (Luke 22:42)...but the fact remains...Christ died on a cross for us.

Whoah right? 

If Christ died on a cross for me why can I not take the time to speak with Him? Not even just speak with Him, but spend time with Him, to think of Him...often...why is that too much for me to handle?

So I pondered this...and pondered this...and pondered this...and at some point was like...ok self enough thinking...let's do this! 

So I'm trying to make a point to notice God in my life, and pray often throughout the day, and when I remember I offer my day up for something or someone...It is so much easier to give of our lives through prayer than the suffering Christ went through for us...

How beautiful is it when you can pray throughout the day, and you can thank God in the good times, ask for help from God in the hard times, seek guidance from the Lord all the time, and realize that God is never far away from you...in fact He is quite close...He is always there for you...will you spend time with Him?

Sure I'll trust God with everything...EXCEPT...

So trusting God...it is a pretty big deal right?

right

You may find yourself truly thinking that you trust God...until a problem arises...for me that problem was money...

I was all like sure I'll trust God with what my confirmation name is supposed to be, what my vocation is supposed to be, what career path I should take, who my husband is going to be...I'll trust God with all of these things...that counts right...

But I didn't think to trust Him with my finances....so what happens?

Well I paid off my first semester of college no problem with the help of financial aid...I think I've got this thing in the bag...I am totally independent and I know how to do this whole money thing...didn't think twice about it...didn't pray about it...gave money at church...but that's about as far as mixing my money and my faith went...the collection basket.

well...freshman year may have been doable...but when I got that bill for sophomore year...I had NO IDEA what I was going to do. Oh my goodness I didn't think there was really a chance that I wouldn't go back to school. I didn't say a real good bye to any of my friends, I didn't finish my education...I HAVE TO GO BACK!

but how?

I tried to take matters into my own hands...dumb idea...and I can just picture God up there in Heaven all like "Brittany, why don't you ask me for help? why don't you let me handle this one?"

Money is just such a worldly thing...I didn't think about asking God...so I ran out of options. I came to dead ends...I cried a lot of tears...by this point people had been telling me to trust God...if I was meant to go back...it would happen...somehow...so I prayed about money...but I really wasn't too sure about it.

Finally I had no options left it was financially impossible for me to pay for school and I gave up...I knew that I wasn't independent...I needed God...and I slowly ...very slowly started to trust Him with my finances...

well weird stuff happened....a loan here
a scholarship there
a grant here
something I didn't even qualify for all the way over there

ok ok God I see now ...I get it...You can help with finances...I don't quite understand it...but I believe it...

And I continue to believe it. Every year I struggle to make ends meet when it comes to paying the school bill and the phone bill and the grocery bill ...and somehow...it all works out...God works it all out...

Granted when God opens a door...you have to do the work to get through it...it is not just like I can pray about money and do nothing about it...but God provides opportunities for me...and I've learned to take them.

I'm positive there are other BIG GIANT lessons God is just itching to teach me, but this one was pretty big. Take a second. Think about it. Reflect on it. Is there something you don't trust God with? Why? Why is it that we don't trust God with everything? What is stopping you? Think its too materialistic for God...I bet you a ton of money you're wrong. Let go...trust Him, He'll figure it out...but when he opens a door, you better climb over that obstacle course to get through it!

Hospitality...the foreign concept

Have you ever noticed that experiencing someone else being hospitable towards you feels weird? I have. I wanted to write this post a long time ago when this happened to me.

Here's the situation: I walked into Chic Fil-A, seeking nothing but the bathroom. I was going to eat but not until after I was able to use the bathroom. I had that goal in mind and wasn't expecting anything would stop me from doing so. The second I walked in the door the cashier asked me how I was. I was confused. I hadn't walked up to the counter yet, I literally just walked through the door and already people were talking to me. But wait, they weren't just talking to me, they were smiling. Not one of those fake "I'm only asking you this because its in my job description" kind of smiles, but a real one. I was confused.

Why should that be confusing? Why is it that when people do something even remotely nice for us we think its strange and out of place. It should not be this way. Here's another situation for you...

You go over a friend's house. Now normally when you go over a friend's house the parents are quite nice to you...but this friend is originally from a different country, or maybe just their parents are. Either way, they still express the culture of somewhere that isn't here. You notice that they are over-the-top nice to you. They feed you...several times, are always asking if you need anything, the carry on pleasant conversation with you...quite simply they are super nice to you. "Ahhhhh" you think, "I love the hospitality of other cultures."

Let me highlight something for you ...other cultures...

Right, so whether or not we notice it...we, as a culture, are not super great at the whole hospitality thing. Why is that? I don't know, but it is not a good thing. We are also not super great at being receptive. If someone says hi to you when you pass by them...say hi back...its a simple phrase...hi...two letters, one syllable. It is quite easy to say.

Also I've noticed people have a terrible habit of asking the age old "how are ya?" without caring at all what the answer is. If you ask in passing, you should probably stop walking long enough to hear the response. Other wise just say "hey," or refer to the previous paragraph.

As a culture I think that our interactions with each other need work. We need to recognize that people are around us all the time and act kindly towards them.

The End of an Era

(prepare yourself, I get the feeling this is going to be a long post)

So I'm done with four years of college. Man that went by so fast! No, I didn't graduate...yet...but 4 years is still quite the mile marker!

When my bosses found out my schedule would not allow me to work for them for my final semester in the fall one of them said "whoah its the end of an era." Not too many girls actually stick with the grounds crew for 4 years...its tough work! What I didn't realize was that the semester I started working there was also the semester this particular boss started working there.

I absolutely loved my job on the Grounds Crew! I learned so much. This city girl now feels like she could actually get something to grow...and look nice too! Sure I hated the trash run, but I loved planting stuff, watering stuff, watching it grow and saying...you see that hosta over there? I picked that one out and planted it! I love knowing the names of things like my 2 current favorite kinds of trees (kwanzan cheery and red bud). I loved my bosses to pieces they were like my on campus dads. I learned how to start a leaf-blower (I went from not being able to, to being named the leaf-blower whisperer). I learned how to drive a pick up truck, a John Deer Gator, a spiffy Kubota, and yes, a dump truck. I won't dwell on this too long, I've already written a post about it a while ago, but let's just say that leaving was too much bitter and not enough sweet. I will never forget that job!

After 4 years I also finally completed the Honors Program at my school. This is a HUGE accomplishment for me. I had to fight to finish this program due to scheduling conflicts. I was only in my last honors class half of the time (and still pulled a B-!!!!). Honors was super difficult for me because my background did not prepare me very well for this material. I went to high school in a public school district that fails No Child Left Behind...I know I know...who knew that was actually possible...well it is. We did not read the same type of materials in my high school that many of my private schooled, and home schooled classmates did. I started this program pretty far behind! I never gave up though and now it is done! I am done (with)* Honors forever!

After I finish a summer course I will be done with regular college courses for my undergrad career! Next semester is student teaching so I'm treating it as something different. 4 years of classes. I've had the same professors over and over and over again (its a small college you must understand)...and now I won't have them anymore. It just feels weird, and strange.

Graduation: yes I did watch it, no I haven't done it yet. This past semester was the one where I was supposed to walk the stage. I still will but at a later date, and I've already written about that as well. I went to watch my class.

I watched my Honors class graduate. What an accomplishment. I am honored to be part of their class. What achievements and awards they received on top of completing the Honors Program. Great job guys. It felt weird to watch them go. After 4 years of reading Great Books, sitting in circles in talking about Great Books, writing papers and reflections on Great Books, and taking oral finals and doing final projects on Great Books we have a certain kind of bond. We watched each other struggle, we watched some classmates leave, and we urged some to stay. We stuck it out and we did it. The few, the proud, the 16 people from the Honors class of 2013 who actually made it. I was glad to see them cross that stage with their Honors tassels, but sad to see them go.

I know I wrote about Honors twice, but finishing the program and watching my classmates go are two completely different feelings.

I watched my class graduate. The people I came in with freshman year. The people who were at orientation with me. The people I watched grow into adults and who watched me grow into an adult. I will always consider myself part of the class of 2013. Always. This class is silly, goofy, smart, and kind. I am glad to have been a part of it!

Here's the punch in the gut...I watched my first college friends graduate. The first people I ever befriended at this school. The ones who stayed up late and got up early with me freshman year. My first roommate. The ones who's rooms I pretty much lived in instead of my own because I don't like doing homework in my own room. The friends who I met on my wing, on 4th floor, in the bathroom the night before we had a class together, at the orientation dance, at lunch that random one time, and in my first semester of scary college classes. My first college best friend and my first college friend group. And let's be honest if the "community" on the 4th floor our freshman year is still being talked about by the RAs to this day clearly we had something great going!

In four years I went from an ambitious girl with no clue what she was going to do with her life to an ambitious woman with no clue where she is going to live in December. I've learned so much and been touched by so many people. I've come very far in what turned out to feel like a very short period of time. Grown ups are not lying when they say that college will fly by! Four years is already gone and I cannot believe it! This is the end of an era for sure.




*I would normally say "I'm done Honors!" and apparently that isn't normal

Who is graduation for?

So its graduation season...yes season because there are so many of them.

Whether it be from 6th grade, high school, or college, the graduation ceremony is usually "for" someone.

In college I realized that you have the option of not walking...aka not crossing the stage in front of everyone to show off all your hard work...This idea is rather foreign to me.

Something else you should probably know as I write this is that I am graduating late: in December. My school does not have a ceremony in December. To "walk" I would have to come back in May. People keep asking me if I'm going to walk...Yes, and I will be walking for myself!

but first, let's look at this...

Graduations are for the family of the person graduating. They put up with a lot of stuff to get you where you are. They helped you study, put up with your stress, calmed you down, proof read your papers, heck they memorized multiplication tables with you (maybe even for 3 summers in a row). Some parent also spent a FORTUNE on your education...private school, college tuition, tutors? If your parents paid for you...shoot you owe it to them to walk across the stage so they can get all proud and teary eyed...they've earned it!

Graduations are for friends. Graduations are a time of celebration! Its a time when everyone can get together and celebrate each other. Its a time of good byes and wishing each other good luck. Graduation provides closure...

Graduations are for the individual. Come on, as a student you worked hard to get to that point. Show it to the world. Shake some hands, wear a silly looking hood, maybe even a few cords...show yourself off! School is hard; papers, tests, professors who dislike your writing style...listen learning is tough work and after all of that, a little recognition is nice.

...ok so why will I come back and walk next May? ...why didn't I just walk with my Associates Degree?

I will be walking for myself. Yes, I will also be walking for my family, and my friends...but in quite a large part I am walking for myself. College has been quite the roller coaster ride. I have worked hard to pay for school by myself, I have worked hard to get decent grades, I have worked hard to complete the Honors Program...its been rough...blood, sweat, and tears literally went into this education! I will be walking to show that I will have finally done it! Finally graduated. This graduation will be for me.

It will also be for my family. Shoot my family has certainly put up with so much garbage from me about school. Plus I know my parents would love to come out for it; show their support and get to see their daughter walk across the stage get a fancy folder, move a tassel and take a picture in front of tons of people.

My graduation will also be for my teachers and my professors. They have worked so hard with me to get me where I am. It would clearly be impossible to have a graduation without the teachers! I have had some particularly excellent teachers and professors, and without them I wouldn't graduate.

So you see, graduation, even when it is mainly for you...is not just for you. So many people had something to do with your education. Graduations are celebrations for all of academia!